I’m sorry. I apologize. It’s all my fault that the Obama administration won’t release the Osama bin Laden death-porn-shot-in-the-eye pictures.

No, not the royal wedding. The royal wedding was an event I am more than capable or regarding with my customary benevolent equanimity. The carryings-on of the British aristocracy are frivolous, and the tabloid obsession with them ranges from vacuous to terrifying, but overall –eh, the British Royals, whatever they get up to, I worry about them precisely as much as I worry about what their namesakes from Kansas City are doing with their relief pitching.

I thought the last Belgian Royal Wedding was better.