No, Abby Phillip, an American president using Marine One helicopter in the completion of his duties as the head of the Executive Branch is not news.

Our lives are filled to the brim; we have literally hundreds if not thousands of pieces of media throw up at us every single day. We don’t have a single moment to spare to figure out what to pay attention to. It’s mind-boggling. So, here, tonight, right on our stage, Aunt Toby is going to give you The Guide to the Un-News using today’s headlines (sort of like “The Guide to the Recently Deceased” only the bodies involved probably stink more).

“Not news” falling in our streets is news when we can’t get out of our driveways.