First runner-up in last year’s So You Want To Be The President teevee show, Mitt Romney was invited to a small college so obscure that even Sarah Palin didn’t go there (Which colleges did you attend? All of them, Katie) where he told the soon to be unemployed now-adults that they should go out into the world and start fucking like Rush Limbaugh in a Dominican boys orphanage with a pocketful of Viagra.

Many years ago, my friend Marcus delightedly brought over his latest purchase, along with the usual two six-packs: an early twentieth century etiquette book.  As we got drunker, he kept finding ever more hilarious admonitions in its yellowed pages, reading them out loud in his thick German accent.  “Don’t ever discuss personal topics in front of children or servants,” he recited, giggling and gesturing with his finger on his lips toward my friend Judy’s boyfriend, who was going through a rough spot in his career and was then cleaning Marcus’ and my apartments each week.

Poor Mitt Romney evidently spent too much time with the Book of Mormon and not enough with Amy Vanderbilt, and somehow missed this important lesson.

Washington has been so obsessed with austerity for so long that many politicians seem to have actually convince themselves that the country is full of masochists looking for a daddy to inflict that pain which feels so good. Politicians seem to have forget that democracy should be about making people’s lives better.

Candidates should offer plans on how to improve the country. The electorate normally votes for the candidate they think has the best ideas to improve their lives, the lives of their families and their communities.

This story in the Boston Herald perfectly demonstrates why it was so fortuitous for Democrats that Scott Brown decided not to run in the Massachusetts special election to replace John Kerry. According to the Herald some “heavyweight Republicans” are urging Tagg Romney to run.

While President Uppity McBlahman was drone-raping Lady Liberty and ordering a hit on Nancy Reagan, first runner-up Mitt Romney was kicking back at his La Jolla beach temple, soaking up the rays and trying to ignore the sound of wailing coming from Ann’s dancing horse dojo.

Jonathan Haidt continues the long tradition of making a living by providing moral justifications for the actions of the rich. You poor stupid liberals should listen to him.

The brief tempest in a teapot over New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s harsh words for the House GOP in the wake of its refusal to provide disaster funding for his state has, thankfully, blown over. This sort of GOP apostasy, while pure catnip to the Village, doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in the real world, and is newsworthy only because such behavior is so drearily common.

Revisionist history coming from the Romney camp was to be expected, but how would you feel if you were, say, Sheldon Adelson, after pouring millions to elect this man — or if you were an average Joe donating hard-earned money that you felt was well-spent — after hearing this load of offensive crap? A Boston Globe campaign post-mortem article portrays a Mittens without any fire in the belly to run for President.

Scene: the Oval Office

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA and CHIEF OF STAFF JACK LEW are seated on the sofas facing one another, with a single sheet of paper in front of LEW on the coffee table between them. Neither looks happy.

The Obama administration feared they might lose re-election and in the summer of last year began to develop a set of rules for using drones.