Zomney 2012

By: Sunday October 28, 2012 4:48 pm

Zombie apocalypse.

 

Mitt Romney Don’ Know Nothin’ ‘Bout Birthin’ No Gay Babies

By: Sunday October 28, 2012 8:35 am

Previously former Governor Mitt “Mitt” Romney did not understand how the Gheys were having their gay babies together, what with the matched sets of vags and peens; how does this work? Nowadays he can just have a father/spawn talk with son Tagg “Tagg” Romney about these how fake babies are made and suddenly, for Mitt, all of those all those old turkey baster jokes would make sense.

Gang Ann Style

By: Tuesday October 9, 2012 2:15 pm

Smug future-dowager queen Ann Romney is very sick and tired of You People not loving that man of hers like she loves that man of hers, so she and her gang of lying-ass sons, led by eldest crazy-eyed blank-shooter Tarkus, held down Romney campaign chief strategist (I know… I was surprised they had a “strategy” too) Stuart Stevens and cut off his hair influence:

After Many a Summer Dies the Big Bird

By: Thursday October 4, 2012 6:00 am

Little did I know when I posted the graphic last night for the debate, that it would be so representative of the candidates who hit the stage in Denver.

Barack Obama was too cool for school, so much so that he barely bothered to show up. His answers were listless and at times he seemed almost put out that he was having to explain this shit yet again. Mitt Romney, on the other hand, was as frantic as a drowning man, so desperate for a handhold that he would say anything and climb over anyone (including a barely sentient, possibly already dead Jim Lehrer) in order to save his foundering campaign.

Enter The Newt

By: Tuesday September 18, 2012 6:00 pm

As you may heard from the LAMESTREAM MEDIA, Mitt Romney’s campaign has hit a few bumps/had a couple of setbacks/haven’t put their best foot forward as of late/is a ticking time bomb with only four seconds left on the counter and no one knows whether to cut the red wire or the green wire and WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, MAN! I MEAN GAME OVER, MAN! as of late. This kind of thing happens all of the time in multimillion dollar high stakes national campaigns staffed by highly competent and professional people with years of experience in electing the leaders of tomorrow.

It is also happening at Romney HQ.

Mitt Romney’s War on Fap-Americans

By: Friday September 14, 2012 5:00 pm

Having alienated the poors, blahs, olds, browns, gayz, wimmens, youngs, and unions, Mitt Romney is now attempting to throw his largest constituency (middle-aged white men who look at their wives and don’t see a busty MILF cheerleader/boss/teacher/furry butt-slut, so they go back to watching SportsCenter) under the bang bus.

Spanking the Maids

By: Friday August 17, 2012 6:14 pm

I bet when E.L. James wrote her comically porny 50 Shades of Grey novels about a rich and successful businessman who can only find fulfillment when he is either sexually dominating women or punishing them for failing to be submissive, she had no idea that she was writing the 2012 Presidential game plan.

The Mergers & Acquisitions Man

By: Wednesday August 8, 2012 3:50 pm

I have had many conversations among friends and family as to exactly why Willard Mitt “Mitt” Romney wants to be President of these here United States. We’ll leave aside for the moment the daddy issues; trying to attain what his dad George Romney could not, since George W. used up every scrap of the dad, dear dad theory when he ran to avenge his fathers loss to that smooth-talking horny hillbilly from Hope.

In the case of the man they call Mitt, he doesn’t exactly have a long history of giving to his country

Snooty Anglo-Saxon People Mocking Ann Romney’s Disco Horse

By: Thursday August 2, 2012 6:31 pm

The people of England, a country that will become America’s sworn enemy if Mitt Romney is elected American CEO, are having a spot of fun with Ann Romney’s not in the least elitist hobbyhorse.

Mitt Romney Is Desirous of a Little Churchill Head

By: Friday July 27, 2012 4:23 pm

Going into his European Vacation, Mitt Romney made up an itinerary of things he wanted to do and see in the countries that are not as exceptional as America in the eyes of Mormon Jesus.

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