This is the city. Los Angeles, California. I work here. I carry a badge. My name’s Friday. The story you are about to see is true; the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I grew up watching Dragnet, which began its run in 1967 and lasted three and a half seasons. I thought it was a pretty weird, but I learned lots of things about my hometown, and about life in general–like how to judge the quality of a fur, from the episode where Joe Friday’s partner’s Frank Gannon went undercover to bust a burglary ring; and it was always fun to to try and guess the what the sentences for crimes would be.