Grandma Grifter/Snowbilly Snooki/Caribou Barbie/Bible Spice (take yer pick) Sarah Palin is not running for President and now we will never have to hear about her or from her ever again for the rest of our lives.

Ha ha. Fat chance.

Longtime journalist and award-winning author Joe McGinniss’ newest book, The Rogue, is the latest – but by no means last – book about Sarah Palin. Palin is not only the most famous Alaskan in history, she has uniquely combined political activity, celebrity, motherhood, grandmotherhood, a spousal relationship, borderline religious beliefs, professional victimhood, the American gossip universe, pop culture, legal obfuscation, new media and social networking. Increasingly known for being thin-skinned and somewhat lacking in spatial awareness, Palin, more than any American politician in a generation or so, almost begged McGinniss – or any investigative author – to move next door.

I’m not sure anyone outside of Ralph really thinks that Palin had any idea about what her Iowa speech contained because, for all she knows, she probably stood at the lectern and repeated the word ‘boner’ over and over again for about twenty minutes before being lured offstage with something shiny and a six-figure check. But Ralph sees a prettier version of himself mouthing approximations of the things he has been saying for years and all of the sudden he gets starbursts in his pants which hasn’t happened since, well actually, never.

Sarah Palin just hates it that corporations control our government. Honest!

Tired after another long, depressing week of following the news? Well, in non-news today, I can report that Sarah Palin’s descent from ambitious politician to crazed media stalker is continuing to pick up speed.

Sarah Palin’s movie opens with shots of celebrities like Matt Damon and Bill Maher wryly observing the oft repeated missive that she’s basically unqualified for county dog catcher.

Andrew Breitbart sics his crack team of citizen journalists/unemployable temps/blood and semen selling “entrepreneurs” on Conor Friedersdorf’s story about Sarah Palin’s unattended Undefeated movietoon. The Most Amusing Spin award goes to Larry O’Connor, wherein O’Connor points out that he attended a showing the next morning and, Ha!, people were so too there for that one.

Consider yourselves warned. You can only hide for another week. Because next Friday, July 15, Sarah Palin’s hired hagiographic film The Undefeated (sadly, probably not based on the Iggy Pop song of the same name) will be released in multiple cities across the United States.

I wonder if Sarah Palin made it through the second reel of her documentary or if she resigned from the theater?

News junkiedom can be a demanding (and demeaning) addiction at times, but I doubt I’ll ever be so desperately in need of a fix that I’ll do anything like pore over the 24,000-plus pages of Sarah Palin’s emails released by the state of Alaska last weekend as official documents from her legendary half-term as governor.