Late Night: The Summer of Two Minutes’ Hate

The first thing you notice when you start to pay attention to the American Right Wing is that they are fucking weird. (Click the link. You know you want to. Observation: Newt’s eyeballs are retreating into his head at precisely the same rate as his wife’s are extruding from hers. What does this mean? Nothing good…)

But thisthis is fucking astonishing.

Here’s another option now that the kids are out of school: a weeklong seminar about our nation’s founding principles, courtesy of the Tampa 912 Project.

The organization, which falls under the tea party umbrella, hopes to introduce kids ages 8 to 12 to principles that include “America is good,” “I believe in God,” and “I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.”

The Ayn Rand School for Tots.

Tampa Liberty is modeled after vacation Bible schools, which use fun, hands-on activities to deliver Christian messages.

One example at Liberty: Children will win hard, wrapped candies to use as currency for a store, symbolizing the gold standard. On the second day, the “banker” will issue paper money instead. Over time, students will realize their paper money buys less and less, while the candies retain their value.

“Some of the kids will fall for it,” Lukens said. “Others kids will wise up.”

The smart ones will have chipped and decaying teeth and a lot of hard candy, which is the kind of candy your grandma gave you,  especially if you had the sort of  spooky grandma who drooled a lot and made everyone wonder whatever happened to that nice Homer Barron: (more…)

Late Night: Now THAT’S Racist!

This is a few days old now, but since we’ve been on the topic of wingnut racist crap lately, here is, well, a great big steaming stinky pile of crazy racist right wing shit.

I mean, over here. —————————–>

It’s so crazy that even one of the inmates at the Daily Caller — in other words, a shallow-end bottom feeder so utterly lacking in  self-respect he lets Tucker Carlson boss him around — called it out as “offensive.” Until of course he got the 20 lashes with a wet douche and was forced to add a “libruls are the real racists ET CETERA” update.

The twerp who put up the ad has a post up where he explains his thinking. It’s compelling stuff. He does a good job of pointing out that he is every inch (three, tops) the sort of resentful horrible drooling dingaling who would think making such a video and then admitting to it in public was a clever move in the first place:

Before you charge racism at the ad, consider her one line in the video: “It takes a different kind of person to speak the language.” By that she means, it takes black people to talk to black people. It takes gang members to talk to gang members. They have their own language, we should coddle them. They’re not responsible for their actions if they murder someone, rape someone. They’re a minority.

Right. If you want to start a program to convince gang members to get out of a gang, anyone should be able to get the gig. Henry Kissinger. Dr. Ruth. Newt Gingrich. Sarah Palin! (“You don’t want to be a Crip, you betcha!”) Disagree and you are worse than a Klansman.

Anyway, the “this isn’t racist” stuff is entertaining. Because holy shit, that video is so fucking old school racist. I mean, please,  just admit it, fucknose.

Late Night: Gosh, That Was Certainly Not Very Fly of Him

In news that will startle exactly nobody, a Fox yapping head resorts to cheap race baiting.

During the opening of Fox Business’ Follow the Money on Friday, Eric Bolling teased a segment about the White House hosting the president of Gabon by saying, “Guess who’s coming to dinner? A dictator. Mr. Obama shares a laugh with one of Africa’s kleptocrats. It’s not first time he’s had a hoodlum in the hizzouse.”

During the tease, an image appeared of Obama meeting with the Gabonese president, Ali Bongo, at the White House….

Bolling began the segment itself by saying, in part, “So what’s with all the hoods in the hizzy? A month after the White House hosted the rapper Common, who glorifies violence on cops, the president opened his doors to one of Africa’s most evil dictators. Here’s Ali Bongo, the Gabonese president, who’s been accused of human rights violations and plundering billions of his country’s dollars.”

And that house used to be so White House, too. But now it is infested with “gangster rappers” and dictators, oh my.

Media Matters notes that “Gabon and Bongo have a troublesome human rights record, and Obama pressured Bongo on the issue during their meeting.”

Comically enough, for reasons I certainly could not even begin to guess at, Fox didn’t employ ironic urban slang when this happened — a fascinating episode involving an honest-to-goodness convicted criminal, major lobbyist ducats, and a White House visit for the Gabonese Gangsta’s daddy:

The lobbyist Jack Abramoff asked for $9 million in 2003 from the president of a West African nation to arrange a meeting with President Bush and directed his fees to a Maryland company now under federal scrutiny, according to newly disclosed documents.

The African leader, President Omar Bongo of Gabon, met with President Bush in the Oval Office on May 26, 2004, 10 months after Mr. Abramoff made the offer. There has been no evidence in the public record that Mr. Abramoff had any role in organizing the meeting or that he received any money or had a signed contract with Gabon.

Oh that Bush. Pretty fly for a white guy, I guess.

Late Night: Bachlin Pamann Morondrive

Sarah Bachmann and Michele Palin are having a slap fight of some sort, over something like who loves Jesus and waterboarding more, or maybe over whose head is emptier, so it can spin around like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist faster. And scarier!

There apparently exist “details” about this little spat, but if you’re looking for “details” in anything ever uttered by either Bachlin or Pamann, well, that’s like looking for chocolate chunks in the puppy puke. Maybe you’ll find them, but they’re sure to be smelly. Best to leave the hunt for such “details” to the Politico, which never, ever has anything better to do.

Which is not however to say that it’s not entertaining to watch specimens such as a certain demented cheerleader start sobbing into her Twitter:

Oh for sad. It’s always the kiddies who suffer the most when their meth-mommies start spitting yellowy tooth fragments at each other, or else hurling bottles full of vitriolic if incomprehensible verbiage.

Late Night: Hey, Kids! Let’s All Point and Laugh at the Homophobe!

Something I like to do is to read stupid things conservatives say on the Internet, and then make fun of them. Usually this is pretty easy, because conservatives say a lot of stupid things on the Internet. A good test is to ask yourself, is a conservative saying something? Is it on the Internet? If the answers are “yes,” then chances are, you’ve found something stupid. (Tip: this test also works for places that are not the Internet. TRUE FACT.)

But this doesn’t mean that everything a conservative says on the Internet is funny. Most of it is just tedious. You can only hear so many times that Obama is a socialist (he isn’t), global warming is a fraud (it isn’t), or that gays are trying to destroy heterosexual marriage (Newt Gingrich is). The same old tired paranoid shit, over and over: it is a catechism recited by idiots, full of crap and fury, signifying fuck you.

But then again, sometimes it’s hard to make with the jokes because the original is such horrible, obscene, hateful, but hilarious nonsense that further commentary is superfluous. To witless, Vicky Hartzler, who said of gay marriage:

Why not allow an uncle to marry his niece? Why not allow a 50-year-old man to marry a 12-year-old girl if they love each other and they’re committed?

So, pretty soon, if you don’t set parameters, you don’t have any parameters at all, the license means nothing — the marriage means nothing. It’s their right to marry whoever they want, but we’re saying marriage is between a man and a woman. So, there’s a difference there. But it’s not a right in the Constitution as far as that goes either. It’s not a right of anybody — of a 3-year-old to be able to drive a car.

Wow!

That is some crazy shit right there. Gays get married, and suddenly you have toddlers getting felt up by their uncles as they pilot their Hummers though Heartland America. Also these toddlers are high on crack. And drunk. And gay.

What are these idiots trying to do? As if the economy didn’t suck enough, now wingnuts are trying to put snarkbloggers out of a gig by pre-humiliating themselves.

It’s a goddamn shame.

Late Night: Confederate Wankee

Alex Pareene observes that Matt Drudge has been serving up great big steaming helpings of race-baiting lately, sliding it like so many runny eggs down the insatiable gullets of his brainless audience, which is composed of resentful angry unwashed wingnuts, as well as certain far more repulsive specimens. Pareene:

This is the narrative that Drudge is trying to create, especially on slow news weekends when there’s nothing real to aggregate and post: The blacks are rising up and attacking the whites….

It all came to a head, as John Cook noted, this Memorial Day weekend when Drudge posted 10 separate headlines — including the massive, above-the-logo one — related to violent incidents involving “urban” people at venues like “Black Bike Week” in Miami and “Rib Fest” in Rochester, N.Y. There was an “Urban Melee in Charlotte,” for example. Do you know what makes an “urban melee” different from a regular “melee”? It’s not that it takes place within the city limits of a major metropolitan area. It’s that it involves the world’s most obvious code term for “scary black people.”

Well, yeah. Obviously. I mean, you’d have to be one thick puppy to miss the dog-whistling here, a gormless goober hell-bent on confirming all the worst stereotypes about the dark side of Snuffy Smith America…

Oh hello there, Bob Owens! Care to add the sort of sensible racial commentary only someone who calls himself “Confederate Yankee” can provide…?

Pareene is a far left liberal that would like to embrace the childish fiction that all races and cultures are essentially the same. It’s a wonderful view to have when you’re ten.

While individuals within these cultures can be anyone and achieve anything, it is a statistical fact that African-Americans are disproportionately responsible for crimes in this nation compared to any other ethnic group. They are also more likely to commit some of the more sensational crimes, such as the near riots and wildings that are the prime headline fodder that are Drudge’s bread and butter.

If Pareene really wanted to make an impact, he’d spend his time and resources trying to find the reason for the statistical discrepancy that shows African-Americans are more prone to be criminals and victims of violent crime.

Of course, he already knows the reason. It started with LBJ’s “Great Society,” and continued with the rise of Planned Parenthood and the destruction of the African-American family unit due to “progressive” social reforms.

Science shows that before libruls did all that mean ‘ol stuff to blacks in the 60s, they were perfectly happy and smilin’, what with knowin’ their place n’ all.

Ass.

Late Night: The Unfacts Are Too Precisely Few

It’s springtime, and I’m having a nasty allergy flare-up. I’ve tried everything… what I’m pretty sure what would work would be blasting away with an assault rifle at all those damn pinko pollen spores, but the socialists who run this country gave me all sorts of static when I opened fire with a Kalashnikov at the botanical garden flowerbeds. Glenn Reynolds tried to warn us this sort of travesty would be commonplace if Obama got elected, but nooooo, we wouldn’t listen.

Anyway it’s also a holiday weekend, so there’s not much point in writing a post that might actually be about anything.

Better, surely, to write about nothing, which brings us by commodious vicus of recirculation back to the interminably flushing toilet that is the 21st-century Gee Oh Pee, and thus inevitably to Sarah Palin, who may be a piece of poo, but is nevertheless buoyant. Which is all that matters! Just float to the top, you know? As a commenter in Ann Althouse’s blog comments section emanates (source chosen  in keeping with the “cloacal & circular” leitmotifs, and to highlight the utter pointlessness that is Palin):

Run, Sarah, run!

At least the presidential race will be entertaining!

She’ll kick Obama’s ass a few times, win or lose, and she won’t sit around fretting about his skin color.

Yeah, I bet probably not.

Sarah Palin is all about cashing in on the rubes’ nasty, preposterous grievances. (more…)

Late Night: Join FDL as a Member, Dammit!

Become a Member of Firedoglake
GOAL: 1,000 New Members

Support our one-stop shop for in-depth news coverage and hard-hitting activism.

Yes, it’s a pledge drive. But unlike the ones they do for NPR, it is a fucking pledge drive.

I’ve been writing for FDL for, let’s see… holy toboggans, in two days, it will be exactly four years precisely right square on the nose, exactly, to not be redundant. My bud Watertiger was on hols in Teh Antipodes, and (my best theory), in the throes of an utterly uncharacteristic cocaine & Froot Loops binge, when she suggested myself as her pinch hitter. I can only assume the magic breakfast cereal frosting was likewise on the menu in FDLHQ, because suddenly there I was, up on the front page.

From whence redoubt, of course, I decided to toss some hellacious f-bombs like they only cost fifty cents each, in a sincere attempt to piss off everybody and to point out, accurately, that John McCain is a worse shit than a crack dealer.

What I love about FDL is that FDL fights.

Back in the hideous days of the “runup” to the Iraq disaster, what drove me nuts was that the nation, my beloved America, was about to jump into a cesspit, and all that The Left was doing was cowering. The worst were full of passionate intensity, and the best were pretty much all useless douches. Often enough, they were on NPR…

FDL was not the first to fight back. But FDL has always fought back loud, proud, and strong, and has never backed down or eaten any of that apparently tasty, tasty insider Beltway Media or Dee Cee Institutional shit.

But you can’t really fight without ammo. And media-war ammo, unlike f-bombs, costs real money.

Please. Join FDL today. It’s affordable, and maybe you — we — can’t afford not to.

Want to count on the fucking Democrats to save Medicare without having to be shamed and yelled at?

That takes scratch.

If you don’t want to do it online, call: 202-709-7498.

Tell ‘em Thers sent you.

Tell ‘em fuck yeah, fuck the bastards, Thers sent you.

Please…?

Late Night: The Wonderful Things You Can Learn!

Oh, the things you learn over at Teh Corner! We are schooled for example in the intricate diplomatic protocols of correct deference involved when the leaders of foreign client nations greet the democratically elected President of the United States: Benjamin Netanyahu. (See also. Hehs and indeeds for all!)

Occasionally also you get the accidental dropping of truth, decorating the site like a white pigeon turd on a poo-brown statue:

Republicans say it is important, above all else, to rein in federal government spending. But the risk with excessive spending is not that government will literally become unaffordable or that we will be unable to service our debts. The United States has tremendous available fiscal capacity, as demonstrated by significantly higher tax burdens in most other first-world countries. The real risk of elevated spending is that we’ll adopt a permanently higher level of taxation.

“Please stop believing our own bullshit, people! The only reason our party exists is to keep rich people from having to pay their taxes. Christ!”

But the sparkliest gem is revealed when the conversation comes around to homelier topics, like why wives shouldn’t bitch because they do all the housework, and their husbands do not:

A new study has confirmed the stereotype that women do more around the house. In fact, the lead author of the study, Darby Saxbe, reported that wives typically do around twice as much housework as their husbands….

However, don’t go burn your bra on the front yard — your husband will only ask you to mulch around the begonias while you’re out there. Instead, take a moment to answer some perspective-enhancing questions.

Do you have running water? Clothes you didn’t sew? A refrigerator that doesn’t run on hand-hewn ice blocks? A vacuum cleaner? A dishwasher, microwave, air conditioning? Did you spend less then three days ironing this week?….

Ladies, let’s don’t let this ridiculous, unnecessary study send us into finger-wagging resentment. Rather, let’s celebrate the fact that we have it so much better than moms who came before us — thanks in large part to inventions made . . . by men.

I read this post out to my own wife, who responded: “I’m what Molly Ivins used to call ‘whomperjawed.'”

There’s been some regrettable snark about this particular post circulating about. But this is mean-spirited.

Respect the noble sacrifice of the poor Kathryn Jean Lopez, for instance, who doesn’t even have anyone whose toilet needs swabbing, but nevertheless, one assumes, regularly prays “oh God oh God sweet Jesus oh God” as she enjoys the benefits of an appliance invented by men.

…. I mean, of course, Blu-Ray, so she can watch The Passion of the Christ over and over.

Gracious yes, that is what I meant, dirtyminds.

Late Night: Wingnuts Totally Safe from Brain-Eating Zombies

Greater Wingnuttia is all screechy and shouty, which is not quite news, but it’s more than a little entertaining that the current reason they’re all screechy and shouty (aside from the fact that it’s Wednesday) is that Newt frickin’ Gingrich has been ruled insufficiently hardcore wingnut loony.

That’s almost as funny as the idea of Mitch Daniels as the Republican Savior, which in turn is not quite as funny as the ’08-vintage idea that Fred Thompson would ride to the GOP rescue, majestically bestriding his fart-powered Barcalounger.

But here at Late Night FDL it is our bounden duty to trawl the Wingnut Sea to depths left unexplored even by Fez-Boy.

So let’s talk zombies.

On Monday Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan put up a post at the Centers for Diseases Control about how to prepare for a Zombie Apocalypse. (It’s insanely slow-loading, FYI.)

The intent was obviously lighthearted, to get people to think about having emergency preparedness kits handy, and so forth. It was not meant to imply that the federal government is genuinely concerned about zombies.

Some bright young apparatchik at Fox picked up on the post, though, and it was like tossing actual brains to the shambolic brainless but brain-devouring hordes. Like the sad debris employed by Glenn Beck, presumably as some sort of jobs program for eternally hungry rotting husks of once-living men.

Sadly, this is no joke.  Here‘s a shot of the CDC’s zombie warning website, paid for with your taxpayer dollars.

We’re coming to get you Barbara. To tell you to lighten the fuck up.