Late Late Nite FDL: I Can See the Future of Melanie Morgan
Posted in: Random Wingnuttery, Snark
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And it looks an awful lot like this scene from Charles Dickens's Little Dorrit.
In the scene, our hero, Arthur Clennam is having a rather awkward conversation with Flora, his teenage sweetheart who married another man and became a widow, and somewhere along the way became very, very, deeply silly. She is accompanied by Mr. F's Aunt (Mr. F being the dead husband), her "legacy" from her brief marriage.
The old lady has sat through this interview in a glowering silence, until…
A diversion was occasioned here, by Mr F.’s Aunt making the following inexorable and awful statement:
‘There’s mile-stones on the Dover road!’
With such mortal hostility towards the human race did she discharge this missile, that Clennam was quite at a loss how to defend himself; the rather as he had been already perplexed in his mind by the honour of a visit from this venerable lady, when it was plain she held him in the utmost abhorrence. He could not but look at her with disconcertment, as she sat breathing bitterness and scorn, and staring leagues away. Flora, however, received the remark as if it had been of a most apposite and agreeable nature; approvingly observing aloud that Mr F.’s Aunt had a great deal of spirit. Stimulated either by this compliment, or by her burning indignation, that illustrious woman then added, ‘Let him meet it if he can!’ And, with a rigid movement of her stony reticule (an appendage of great size and of a fossil appearance), indicated that Clennam was the unfortunate person at whom the challenge was hurled.
Errrrr, uhhhh, charmed, I'm sure.
I suspect that this is rather how the other guests on Friday's Hardball felt when Manichea Morass started twisting her head all the way around and telling the other guests that their mothers suck cocks in hell.
More from Mr. F's Aunt:
A momentary silence that ensued was broken by Mr F.’s Aunt, who had been sitting upright in a cataleptic state since her last public remark. She now underwent a violent twitch, calculated to produce a startling effect on the nerves of the uninitiated, and with the deadliest animosity observed:
‘You can’t make a head and brains out of a brass knob with nothing in it. You couldn’t do it when your Uncle George was living; much less when he’s dead.’
Mr Pancks was not slow to reply, with his usual calmness, ‘Indeed, ma’am! Bless my soul! I’m surprised to hear it.’ Despite his presence of mind, however, the speech of Mr F.’s Aunt produced a depressing effect on the little assembly; firstly, because it was impossible to disguise that Clennam’s unoffending head was the particular temple of reason depreciated; and secondly, because nobody ever knew on these occasions whose Uncle George was referred to, or what spectral presence might be invoked under that appellation.
Therefore Flora said, though still not without a certain boastfulness and triumph in her legacy, that Mr F.’s Aunt was ‘very lively to-day, and she thought they had better go.’ But Mr F.’s Aunt proved so lively as to take the suggestion in unexpected dudgeon and declare that she would not go; adding, with several injurious expressions, that if ‘He’—too evidently meaning Clennam—wanted to get rid of her, ‘let him chuck her out of winder;’ and urgently expressing her desire to see ‘Him’ perform that ceremony.
Amazing how prescient Mr. Dickens could be.
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