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April 18, 2007

Late Nite FDL: Debbie Does Dumb-Assery

Posted in: "War on Terror", Random Wingnuttery, Snark, Talking Heads

janis the muppet
 
Of all the truly frightening and despicable Right Wing reactions to the shooting rampage at Virginia Tech, it is difficult to isolate out the most particularly egregious offender.  Is it John "Rambo" Derbyshire for his insistence that those Tech students were pussies for not getting shot running at the gunman as opposed to getting shot shielding their eyes and faces under an overturned desk?  Is it Derbyshire's equally lint-headed coauthor at the NRO, Mark "Weenie-Man" Steyn, who wrote the following? (h/t Joan Walsh at Salon.):
"I’m not sure I'm ready to go the full Derb but I think he's closer to the reality of the situation than most. … Point one: They're not 'children.' The students at Virginia Tech were grown women and — if you'll forgive the expression — men."
Ah, yes, what could be more manly than getting shot and dying pointlessly?  Which is why both Mr. Derbyshire and Mr. Steyn will be reporting to the army recruiting station tomorrow to go be human shields political props fearless warriors in Tal Afar to buttress the President's failed Iraq policy.  What greater way to demonstrate their heroic qualities than to get shot by a sniper or blown apart and burned to carbon by an IED?
 
By the way, at least one student did, in fact, take Steyn and Derbyshire's advice and rush the gunman.  He took a bullet in the chest and died in the hospital yesterday. 
 
Then of course, there's my dear, dear friend Wrong Way Malkin, who claims that colleges are to blame for trying to create a nonviolent atmosphere.  The column is breathtakingly solipsistic and intellectually dishonest, even for Malkin.  I'm not even sure she knows what she's trying to say aside from the usual "Liberals and minorities are killing America!"  It has to be read to be believed.

My column this week:

There's no polite way or time to say it:

When the hell has that ever stopped you before, darlin'?  You might as well quibble about there being no INTELLIGENT way to say it, since that's never stood in your way, either. 

American college and universities have become coddle industries. Big Nanny administrators oversee speech codes, segregrated dorms, politically correct academic departments, and designated "safe spaces" to protect students selectively from hurtful (conservative) opinions—while allowing mob rule for approved leftist positions (textbook case: Columbia University's anti-Minuteman Project protesters).

Instead of teaching students to defend their beliefs, American educators shield them from vigorous intellectual debate. Instead of encouraging autonomy, our higher institutions of learning stoke passivity and conflict-avoidance.

And as the erosion of intellectual self-defense goes, so goes the erosion of physical self-defense.
Huh?  Excuse me, Wilma, but I was going to eschew swearing forever when writing about you.  I know that you read me every time I so much as mention your name (you have a mole, you know that?), and I wouldn't want the swear words to run you off before you could absorb the full brunt of what a pathetic piss-stain of a person you are.  But tonight, I just have to throw that out the window and say, "Heifer, what the FUCK are you talking about?"
 
Even with this sort of stiff competition, though, nobody has quite shown their true trainwreck-iness quite like Dollar-Off Debbie Schlussel, also known as The Coma Patient's Ann Coulter.  The brave men at Sadly, No! have been doing yeoman's work for The Cause, keeping track of Schlussel's every demented screech, hoot, and barbaric yawp, a situation that one expects will end badly for them, rather like the firemen at Chernobyl who died trying to stop the blazing radioactive inferno before it could kill everyone within a thousand mile radius.
 
"But, who is this Debbie Schlussel, TRex?" you may be asking, "Are we supposed to keep up with every D-list Rightard who coughs up a column?"
 
Well, clearly not.  But Miss Schlussel's web-site bio, I think, can best tell us who she is:
Attorney, Columnist, and Hip, Conservative Info-Babe Commentator, Debbie Schlussel is the VRWC's latest and greatest sexy, blonde, and beautiful commentator. With a law degree, MBA, long blonde tresses, and sports acumen to boot, she's a red-blooded American guy's dream.
My blood must be green or something, then…
If you've heard Rush Limbaugh or Howard Stern talk about her on their national radio shows or seen her speak at the NRA convention, Debbie is proof positive that "Dumb Blonde" is an oxymoron–her beauty and brains are a lethal combination, the reason Ms. Magazine declared Debbie its #1 enemy. To paraphrase "Wayne's World's" Wayne and Garth, if she were President, Debbie Schlussel would be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Ooooh, shite and onions!!  She's "lethal", alright.  How long do you suppose it took her to write all that about herself?  A week?  A month?
 
Anyhow, since the first bulletins went out over the wires, Dear Debbie has feverishly been trying to assign Islamic Jihadi motives to Cho Seung-hui, even though he's about as Islamic as a potato latke.  First, she announced that he was a "Paki", which is racist-thug shorthand for Pakistani.
 
Gavin?   What exactly happened? 

After a hard day of attempting to blame the VA Tech killings on the International Muslim Conspiracy (the word ‘Asian’ suggesting, to her, a likely MSM code word for ‘Paki’), Debbie Schlussel relaxes by shrieking at her commenters, in her trademark key-poundy all-caps, that she can call the Pakis ‘the Pakis’ any time she feels like it, and WHAT IS THIS–ETHNICITY LESSONS FROM SNOOP DOGG (A/K/A “I CAN CALL THEM HOS AND NIGGAZ BUT YOU CAN’T”)?! UH, SORRY, BUT I DON’T TAKE MY LEXICON AND LINGUISTIC DICTATES FROM YOU. I SUPPOSE NOW YOU’LL BE ATTACKING ME FOR USING THE TERMS CANUCKS, GIRLIE-MEN, AND WIMPS–ALL WHICH LIKELY DESCRIBE YOU. BUH-BYE."

Ms. Schlussel is a Detroit-based attorney.

Gawd.  Trainwrecks are, like, soooo 2004.

Then, oh, then!  She unearths the Em Ess Em's Big Conspiracy, ignoring the death of an heroic holocaust survivor (guess why!) to play cell-phone footage from the phone of a Palestinian student at the scene. 

On the Palestinian side, Jamal Al-Barghouti, a Palestinian Student from the “West Bank” (who grew up in Saudi Arabia) took video of the shooting that made TV worldwide.

His film didn’t save a single person, but he’s getting far more media attention and kudos than the barely-mentioned Librescu is getting. And he used the “opportunity” on CNN, to compare the Virginia Tech massacre to “violence” in the in the “Occupied Territories”. One problem with his story: He grew up in SAUDI ARABIA.

Wondering if he’s related to Palestinian terrorist mastermind Marwan Barghouti, now in prison for planning mass terrorist attacks and homicide bombings, which murdered many Israelis? It’s very likely.

Sure it is, Deb.  Did the Easter Bunny bring you a nice basket of toys and candy this year?  What have you heard from the Tooth Fairy lately?
 
When that one collapsed, Debbie had another conspiracy theory waiting in the wings:

Virginia Tech Shooter Had “Ismail” Written on Arm

By Debbie Schlussel

The Chicago Tribune reports that Virginia Tech University massacre perpetrator, Cho Seung-Hui,

    died with the words “Ismail Ax” in red ink on one of his arms.

Hmmm . . . Ismail–the Arabic name for Ishmael–considered the father of all Arabs and a very important figure in Islam.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, right? Doesn’t mean anything. Right.

Maybe “Ismail Ax” is the name of a friend of his. Or maybe he wanted to remind himself to buy an Ax for his friend Ismail for next Ramadan. Or I’m sure we’ll hear some other similarly absurd “explanation.” We’ll see.

A commenter refuses to clap his hands and believe in fairies.  Debbie goes all-caps again.  Blather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

Trying to tie him to either illegal immigration — he was here legally — or Islamic terrorism — he was an English major, for Cthulhu’s sake — is the epitome of opportunism on your part. You are profiting off of the blood of the murdered.

I’d point out you should be ashamed of yourself, but then you are a lawyer…

THE SAME MEDIA THAT ALSO CONSTANTLY SAYS THAT EVERY ISLAMIC ATTACKER IN THE LAST TWO YEARS HAS BEEN “NUTS”–A/K/A SUDDEN JIHAD SYNDROME. THE MUSLIMS WHO ATTACKED THE SEATTLE JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER, THE JEW AT THE BALTIMORE MOVIE THEATER, THE STUDENTS AT UNC, TROLLEY SQUARE MALL IN UTAH–THEY WERE ALL “NUTS.” AND ALL MUSLIM.

THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED HERE IS THE ONE WHO IS WILLINGLY WEARING BLINDERS AS HIS/HER NEWEST FASHION ACCESSORY: YOU.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

I like the way she signs it at the end, as if that stream of sub-verbal drivel could emanate from anyplace else.

Today, well, I'll let Gavin give you the Shorter Debbie Schlussel:

THE WASHINGTON POST PUT VILE COCKROACH MUSLIMS ON THE COVER!!! IS THIS A MISTAKE HAHAHA NO!!!! THE MSM IS COZY IN BED WITH THE INTERNATIONAL JEWISH CONSPIRA…wait, I mean Muslim…SPIRACY!!!

Ye gods.  Even her readers are sick of it now:

Comments

Debbie,

Why does this picture anger you so? Is it because you were dead wrong about the shootings being about jihad?

Ouch.  Even the Red-Blooded American Guys who like her writing are seeing their way clear through Teh Stoopid. 

This crass, craven, disingenuous attempt to tie a random act of violence into Teh Preznint's Great And Exalted Never-Ending War on Terra has been brought to you by The Right Wing Authoritarian Cult, Gilbey's Gin, The Michigan Bar Association, and America's Clearly Disintegrating Law Schools.  Schlussel should team up with Ann Althouse to see which one can out-hissy the other. 

When staggeringly mediocre minds attack!  Tonight…on Fox.

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