Late Nite FDL: Girlfriend-in-a-Coma Quits Her Job and Heads for Higher Ground
Posted in: 2006 Election, Family values, GOP ethics, Uncle Tom's Closet
Holy shit, that was fast. The AP is reporting that Ken Mehlman will be leaving his job in January to go and work for the Giuliani presidential campaign, possibly because America's Mayor is the only man in the GOP with a more pronounced lisp than his own.
Or maybe is has something to do with Bill Maher outing his scrawny ass on Larry King Live last night.
BM: A lot of the chiefs of staff, the people who really run the underpinnings of the Republican Party, are gay. I don't want to mention names, but I will Friday night…
LK:You will Friday night?
BM: Well, there's a couple of big people who I think everyone in Washington knows who run the Republican…
LK: You will name them?
BM: Well, I wouldn't be the first. I'd get sued if I was the first. Ken Mehlman. Ok, there's one I think people have talked about. I don't think he's denied it when he's been, people have suggested, he doesn't say…
LK: I never heard that. I'm walking around in a fog. I never…Ken Mehlman? I never heard that. But the question is…
BM: Maybe you don't go to the same bathhouse I do, Larry.
Ouch. Of course, CNN edited out that bit later, but apparently the fallout was enough that this morning Big Dubya called Kenny on to the famous Carpet of Optimism in the Oval Office for a "little talk".
W: Y'unnerstand this means yer damaged goods, Kenny. We can't have people knowin' you're a cock-smoker. It might get 'em askin' questions about me and Jeff Gannon, right? 'Snothin' personal, y'unnerstand. Just having you around these days is going to embolden the terrists.
KM: How is that, your majesty?
W: I dunno. That's just what Karl told me to say, aheh. Now, you gon' go along quietly, or are we gonna have to release those pictures we have of you in Ted Haggard's hotel room?
KM: Please, no, not that. I'll go write my letter of resignation right now.
W: Good man. Now, Ah got this tense spot in muh neck. Heh-heh. You think you could…?
KM: Yes, your majesty…
Buh-bye, Kenny. Why is it I imagine every word he utters in private being spoken in a Lexapro-ed out, dazed, Stepford Wife monotone? Poor bastard. It's only a matter of time now before he melts down in the magazine aisle in Kroger, staring in thwarted longing at a copy of Men's Fitness (the magazine that allows closet cases to have openly homoerotic softcore porn on their coffee tables).
In other Gay Republican news, we may soon be treated to the spectacle of Karl Rove's tubby little body being thrown under the GOP (i.e., short) bus.
From Bush's afternoon press conference (via HuffPo):
Q Thank you, sir. During this campaign season some religious conservatives expressed support and appreciation for the work you've done. But some also expressed that they felt like they expended a lot of effort on your behalf without a lot of results. I wonder if you could tell us what parts of their agenda are still on your radar screen, and if you think they're right to be frustrated? And also, Mr. President, may I ask you if you have any metrics you'd be willing to share about your reading contest with Mr. Rove.
THE PRESIDENT: I'm losing. I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was. (Laughter.)
AUDIENCE: Oooooh!
Read entire transcript here.
Oooooh, SNAP! That's gonna leave a mark.
Squish. Na na, hey, hey, goodbye! So much for having "THE math", eh, Karl? Remember this from before the election?
Rove said that he was reviewing 68 polls a week, and that "unlike the general public, I'm allowed to see the polls on the individual races," as opposed to public polls reported in the media.
"You may be looking at four or five public polls a week that talk about attitudes nationally, but that do not impact the outcome," Rove said.
Rove claimed that the polls "add up to a Republican Senate and a Republican House."
"You may end up with a different math, but you're entitled to your math," Rove said. "I'm entitled to 'the' math."
(Hat-tip to raw story via my lovely Jeralyn.)
Uh, Karline? You might want to stop getting all your information from the people who told you that it was a slam-dunk that Saddam had WMD's, okay, hon? They're not telling you the truth.
And finally, tonight, we go to Colorado, also via TalkLeft:
The exemplary Christian James Dobson doesn't have time to join Haggard's salvation panel. Other prominent evangelists are convening to save Haggard from his wicked ways, but Dobson backed out. Isn't Dobson supposed to Focus on the Family? Haggard's family doesn't warrant his brotherly love?
Actually, my sources close to the matter have said that after spending several hours watching Haggard being waterboarded and shocked in the testicles while watching gay pornography, Rev. Dobson abandoned the exercise in disgust, saying, "Forget it, man. That guy's a total fag."
So much for Christian charity.
Listen, Ted. Just run. Run away! Quit your job and find yourself a nice man to settle down with, although I would strongly advise giving up the meth. You'll ruin your pretty white teeth. God will still love you, even if your Mega Church doesn't, I guarantee it.
In the meantime, try and get some rest, okay?
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