Late Night: 21st Century Absolute Asshole

The first eight years of the 21st century will pose a tremendous challenge to future historians. That this was one of the darkest periods in the history of our republic won’t be the issue. It will not be controversial that the Bush administration has failed politically, economically, institutionally, constitutionally, strategically — and a metric assload of other adverbs as well, I’m sure. No. I mean, while plumbing the precise depths of just how fucked over we’ve been will no doubt be a subject of much intricate debate, the real problem will be in picking out the biggest motherfucking shitheaded asshole most responsible for plunging all of us into this hideous morass of suck that has thus far been this new moronic millennium. You have your Roves, and your Rices, your Dicks and your Wolfies… but do you recall, the most amazing asshole of all…

Hey, Doug Feith has a new book coming out.

I have known many an asshole in my time on this good green earth, and they have left much wreckage in their wake. Shattered relationships, screwed up children, personal financial ruin, terrible pop songs. But none of them have ever fucked up an entire country — or two countries — or, hell, the entire goddamn planet. That’s pretty impressive. You have to hand it to Feith: when he fucks up, he does not do it small. He tries to kill everyone! You just once threw your ex’s car keys down his/her garbage disposal. You’re lame. When did you ever drag your beloved nation into a land war in Asia? Loser.

I am given to understand that the brilliant, beautiful, intoxicatingly lethal (she’s got a real noir thing going, seriously) Athenae from First Draft will be here on Tues to give us the full Feithing. She’s been on the case for years. So I won’t get too far into the weeds right now: the complete assholery will be documented, never you fear. All I want to do now is one Shorter (example here).

The set-up: Here is Doug Feith’s new book as described by the WaPo:

In the first insider account of Pentagon decision-making on Iraq, one of the key architects of the war blasts former secretary of state Colin Powell, the CIA, retired Gen. Tommy R. Franks and former Iraq occupation chief L. Paul Bremer for mishandling the run-up to the invasion and the subsequent occupation of the country.

Douglas J. Feith, in a massive score-settling work, portrays an intelligence community and a State Department that repeatedly undermined plans he developed as undersecretary of defense for policy and conspired to undercut President Bush’s policies.

OK, got that? Here is my Shorter Doug Feith:

It wasn’t my fault. The dog ate my apocalypse.

Asshole.

Related posts:

1. 21st Century Hate
2. M. Edward Whelan III of The Ethics and Public Policy Center is an asshole
3. Late Night: No Elephants, No Parade
4. Late Night: Right and Wrong Do Kinda Exist, Y’Know…
5. Late Night: All Conservatives Are in the Gutter, But Some of Them Are Licking at Their Scabs