Annals of WTF?!

See the picture in the corner here? That graced AOL’s front page yesterday afternoon.

You may be wondering, as I did, when does a guy who gets creamed by Ron Paul in the primaries get to be called a "winner"? When the person doing the calling is a movement Republican desperate to keep alive Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy, of course. (Or a Republican blogger desperate for a few easy clicks on the "Ha! Made ya look!" principle.)

For if you click on the link associated with that picture, you then see this:

And of course, if you click on the "Read My Take" link, you are sent to the Captain’s Quarters.

Yes, brethren and cistern, that’s the wit and wisdom of Special Ed at work.

Because, you see, we are all but padawans at the feet of the master. Watch Special Ed as he performs spin of such fluffy artistry that Saint Peggy of the Dolphins Herself must be beaming her WASP-y benevolence on him even as you read this:

However, Mitt was not the only big winner. Rudy Giuliani had gambled that the crowded field and the convoluted schedule made the first, proportional states mostly irrelevant. He figured that no one could build momentum before Super Tuesday, and that it made more sense to focus on the first major winner-take-all state and the 22 Super Tuesday contests instead.

And what has happened? No one has won more than a single contested primary or caucus, and the delegates have been spread out across several candidates. If Rudy wins Florida, he gets 57 delegates and vaults into the lead, just as over 20 states head to the primaries and caucuses of Super Tuesday. California and New York have 274 delegates between them, and Rudy is the favorite to win both winner-take-all states, and will win others as well.

Will it be enough? It’s quite possible now that no one will have enough momentum to sweep the field on Super Tuesday, and the race will run to the convention before it finishes. It could get decided on March 4th, when Ohio and Texas hold their primaries and assign large delegate totals. All we know at the moment is that no one — no one — is dead in this race.

Dude, all I know at the moment is that you are effing high. Put the glue down and talk to the nice officers.

Actually, that’s not all I know:

I know, thanks to MyDD, that Rudy Giuliani has one — ONE — effing delegate right now. That’s what Duncan Hunter has. Ron Paul has four. John Edwards, who the national press has all but written off despite a strong finish in Iowa, has eighteen. Yeah, I know: The Democrats have nearly twice as many delegates as the Republicans, so a Democratic candidate needs nearly twice the number a Republican does to secure the party’s nomination. But even by that standard, Edwards has nine GOP-delegate equivalents to Rudy’s one.

I know that even as you’re out-Noonaning Noonan with your frothy "Army Group Steiner Will Save Him" fantasies, your fellow cons, even (or perhaps especially) those in New York, are a tad more realistic. Check out Matthew Continetti of The Weekly Standard on what he calls "The Giuliani Implosion":

Poll after poll showed that Republicans believed Giuliani was the GOP’s best chance to hold the White House in 2008.

Those days are over. In about eight weeks Giuliani has gone from frontrunner to second-tier candidate. He lost Iowa and New Hampshire, finishing nowhere close to first. His campaign is pulling resources from this week’s contests in Michigan, South Carolina, and Nevada to focus on the January 29 Florida primary, where polls still show him in the lead (by a shrinking margin). The news late last week that senior staff are working without pay put the Giuliani campaign on the defensive, causing it to release cash-on-hand figures showing it isn’t broke.

I know why you and so many others want to believe that Rudy’s candidacy is still alive, dude. It’s because he and McCain are the two Republicans least likely to scare most Americans into the arms of the Democratic nominee, whoever he or she is. But deal with it: The man is toast. Go make your peace with McCain. Or better yet, don’t. Please, keep backing Mister Sex on the City. Forget you ever saw this. Thanks!

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