Monday Late Nite – Preznitial Candidate Resolutions
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I interviewed most of the Republican candidates and they were really quite forthcoming with their New Year’s resolutions.
1. Smile more.
2. Supplement speaking income with ad space on teeth.
3. Trademark "9/11".
1. No more negative attack ads! Only positive attack ads!
2. Dye sideburns gray.
3. Find undisputable proof that Jesus rode a dinosaur.
1. Remember my own name without prompting.
2. Stop referring to Jeri as "my script girl".
3. Make an effort to . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. . . . .
1. Be more glib.
2. Fire Tagg for the "Seamus" story.
3. Have Ann followed – there has to be more to that whole "dressage" story she sold to the Times.
1. Build a bigger fence on my property.
2. Eradicate all illegal aliens. . . except those working on my house.
3. Get the media to notice me.
1. WHO the hell NEEDS resolutions?
2. SCREW you! I’m a real libertarian!
3. I’m crazy? I’M CRAZY?
1. Spend more quality time with Joe Lieberman.
2. Figure out the rest of the lyrics to "Bomb, Bomb Iran".
3. Cast at least one vote in the Senate.
A very happy and healthy New Year to all of the readers at Firedoglake. May we see great and positive changes in the direction of the world in 2008.