I imagine that electing Willy Wonka will settle up this Ukraine quicker than Augustus up the Gloop-Shoot.

Billionaire Petro Poroshenko claimed Ukraine’s presidency on Sunday after exit polls gave him an absolute majority in a first round of voting and, vowing to end a conflict with pro-Russian rebels, he pledged to align his country with Europe.

Exit polls gave Poroshenko, a confectionery magnate with long experience in government, more than 55 percent of the vote, well ahead of former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko in second place with just over 12 percent.

In addition to being no less than 70% cocoa Mr. Poroshenko is pro-Europe and therefore not all to Putin’s liking.

Next up, Thailand’s junta is resisted by Twinkie the Kid.