Late Night: Aaron Schock, Marriage Equality and Republican Re-Branding

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“I can neither confirm nor deny my bigotry, as to confirm it would alienate every voter who isn’t a tight-permed churchy scold in a cat sweatshirt, and to deny it would cost me those churchy scolds who I need to win primaries even in the state of Illinois. And have you seen this fucking place?┬áIt’s becoming INSANELY GAY up in here, so I am caught between being a Republican and being a decent human being who does not give a damn who you or anyone else screws, and in that calculus decency will lose every time. And yet. I don’t support marriage equality because I haven’t supported it. So there.”

There was a lot of noise last week about Republican “re-branding.” Full disclaimer, I am about as good a marketer as I am a pet therapist (“SHUT THE FUCK UP, FLUFFY!”) but I wonder if it isn’t a bad marketing decision to announce loudly that you are re-branding, as that implies that your previous brand was deficient. And using the term re-branding implies you’re not really going to do anything different. You’re just changing the colors of the brochure.

Now, that might make sense, if the racism and sexism and fear and insularity and general dislike of one’s fellow Americans was somehow an innacurate spectrum with which to portray the modern Republican party. As it is, though, I could re-brand my site as FIRST DRAFT: THE WORLD’S BEST SPORTS BLOG and people still wouldn’t read us for baseball coverage.


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