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Just so you know, Pat Robertson says it’s okay that Petraeus banged Paula Broadwell because
she’s an extremely good-looking woman…The man’s off in a foreign land and he’s lonely and here’s a good-looking lady throwing herself at him. He’s a man.
(But of course the four-star crossed lovers didn’t make the beast with two backs until after he joined the CIA. Because adultery in the military is a crime.)
PROPINQUITY! Your Pat Robertson word of the day.
Oh what fools these mortals be! First off, let’s just say there is a tried and true history of men having mistresses, even married mistresses; but nowadays a married mistress can be a bit messy, unless the man practices “catch and release,” the woman has more to loose than he, and she isn’t batshit, bughouse looney. And not to pillory my gender, but a lot of women, pabulumized on bad television movies and chick-lit seriously believe the hype of an affair. Plus, there’s the whole removal of the love-object concept which takes away the source of endorphins, oxytocin, and drama, leaving an hysterical, heaving mass plotting revenge. Oh honey, just get a voodoo doll and keep your piehole shut.
I’m still trying to parse the timeline of Petraeus, Paula Broadwell, Jill Kelley, Allen and Shirtless FBI Guy. Here’s what I’ve got:
DATE UNKNOWN: Jill Kelley received email pictures of Shirtless FBI Guy.
POST-APRIL 2011: Petraeus and Broadwell–which falls into the category of nomenclature is destiny with bush-league, wanna-be Bond-girl name–began their physical affair two months or so after he was made head of CIA. Because adultery in the military is a crime.
APPROXIMATELY MAY 2012: The Wall Street Journal reports that around May, Kelley began receiving nastygrams. She contacted her friend, Shirtless FBI Guy who initiated an investigation, which eventually exposed the Petraeus/Broadwell liaisons. And 20,000-30,000 pages of emails to Gen. Allen (which may or may not be about the anonymous, allegedly threatening, emails from Broadwell). But he never touched that woman. Because adultery in the military is a crime.
JUNE/JULY 2012, Petraeus ended his relationship with Broadwell. They had used super bad spycraft to correspond, which is really embarrassing considering he was like head of the CIA and she’s a West Point graduate. Supposedly she was getting possessive and/or he was not amused by the emails sent to Kelley (which may or may not have been sent from the Gmail accounts they shared).
AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2012: General Allen writes letters to support Jill Kelley’s sister in a custody battle. Somewhere along the way, Gen. Allen receives an anonymous email from someone later learned to be Broadwell making comments about Jill Kelley; and according to CNN, Allen alerted Kelley and may have contacted the FBI himself.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2012: Attack on U.S. Embassy in Benghazi.
OCTOBER 26: Broadwell talks about stuff that’s not vetted regarding Benghazi. Was she telling the truth or making stuff up? We’ll never know. But hell hath no fury…
LATE OCTOBER: Out of the loop, Shirtless FBI Guy drops a dime and blows it open, contacting a member of Congress, Republican David Reichert, who contacted Eric Cantor.
NOVEMBER: Apres l’election, le deluge.
And what a dump! It just keeps flowing like the Augean stables. And this is just the seksy stuff. Let’s look at this from the spai who loved me perspective. (And few have done worse than Petraeus and Broadwell). Pick any of these:
1. Broadwell is a spy/plant/honey pot/firewalls/shiny object to distract from deeper Benghazi issues and of say, arm sales to Syrian mercenary insurgents in Syria, etc.
2. Broadwell is a spai who was supposed to learn stuff from Petraeus and tell her Nefarious Masters.
3. Broadwell’s sesky email account may have been known about and compromised, and used to send emails to Kelley to start this. And Broadwell’s seksy email account may have been used to send the email to Gen. Allen making comments about Jill Kelley. All of which means some long term planning. (cue James Bond theme)
4. Broadwell is a sloppy mistress (indiscreet and possessive), and Jill Kelley is a drama queen.
5. Promotional stunt for Skyfall.
6. Giant flesh-eating, shape-shifting reptiles.
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Pat Robertson is a walking parody of moral authority. As for Petraeus, Broadwell, Kelly, Allen, and all their ilk, one would have hoped that they would have better things to do than behave like giggling teenyboppers or refugees from a prime-time soap opera. To hell with the lot of them.
LISA!
A huge hot mess of a clusterfuck. As a guy, just let me say that I never had any trouble keeping it in my pants for any woman except my wives when I was married. That excuse is pure bullshit. On the other hand this seems to have been straight forward mutually consensual sex, so who gives a shit. It is between them and their respective spouses. Just another BSO so that the the MSM does not have to report any actual news.
You insult giggling teenyboppers there, but otherwise agreed completely.
I vote #6. Giant flesh-eating, shape-shifting reptiles because PAT ROBERTSON!
I was hoping they were going to devour Pat.
I blame the chick from FLA via Philly. Pseudo consul cooks alligator on the Food Channel while dressed in designer clothes. Bad spy novel writes itself.
Delightfully written, Lisa. Thanks for this.
And, no, not just sexytime….. unless you know these well-gunned bimbos, you don’t know. There is a reason that adultery is wrong….
1) people can take advantage of knowledge and compromise you, and
2) people get hurt….. and hurt people can sometimes bite back.
Keep it in your damned knickers.
Look, as tawdry as CampFollowerGate may be, as dirty as it makes us feel just for knowing about it, it has at least given us the spectacle of Pat Robertson doing moral nuance, and situational ethics, and …
Shit, some people really ought to stick to literalism, because they really can’t handle any of St Jerome’s other three ways of understanding things.
7. Keeping secret the Anti-Gravity Zero Point Energy from retrofited alien technology.
Gary McKinnon discovered that while hacking the military computers that had no security.
God only knows what devouring Pat Robertson might do to the intestinal tract of a shape-shifting reptile.
Probably cauterize it, like drinking Drano.
If the leader of the spooks can’t even manage to keep his sex life a secret I dread to think what was going on at the CIA headquarters.
I think Kelley is the spy, and maybe a double agent.
I am enjoying the hell out of this “lies, sex and spooks” drama.
I especially enjoy the part of it where Petraeus kisses his presidential ambitions goodbye.
From the Onion:
And, yes, I’d like to see Congress do a real review of the CIA (but, hey, I’d like sparkle ponies, too!).
Don’t imagine his home life is too pleasant either. And he can’t even go to his office to sleep because he doesn’t have one. I’m enjoying this.
Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, unless it happened to someone else. I give it four stars and a quickie under the desk.
Crap. At least I only had me and the kids to deal with in such a debacle……..and not the whole leering damned nation. No one seems to mention Broadwell’s (gunned up siren) husband and two young sons. I wish them well. It will be a rocky ride.
let’s see now… Petraeus is Obama’s guy..
and you’re talking about Pat Robertson…
meh…
My schaden is definitely getting a mild tingle of freude.
All In
More from the Onion:
But, for their sakes, I kinda wish that the peripherals (e.g., the legal spouses, et al.) would have had a vote.
They are the only real victims in this and I do feel rather sorry for them.
All In is Broadwell’s book on Petraeus. Apparently sales have picked up.
Yes, I know it’s the book. The irony………well, whatever. Not everyone was All In. How nice that her book sales will be up over the trashing of several families. Ain’t life grand?!
omg – prepare to LAFF when you click on this photo at Princess Sparkle Pony’s place
This week:
Tapes of Jill Kelley claiming ‘diplomatic inviolability’ (is that a thing?) when asking the Tampa Bay police to please come remove the media from her million-dollar yard.
Time for me to toddle off. Take care all.
aye
Sequel: Just the Tip
CNN report said the Kelley family is “nearly broke” according to public records
Hey..so most of the pentagon is sleeping around with spys or something. It’s not like anyone broke into some run down hotel in DC or anything.
2012. It’s a new era. Get used to it.
Good one.
Lends new meaning to “embedded”
I think we need a Bond Girl Name Contest…although I’m stuck on the Austin Powers’ Dixie Normous.
Cherry O’Plenty?
I don’t know. Broad Well ranks right up there.
LOL.
Penny Tration
HAH! you’re right! rofl.
The fact that the
PentagonCIA has become the punch line to a really bad Jack Parr joke should tell you something.P. Broad Betrayus
Well. We know what the new gregory brothers/schmoyoho video will probably be about. Rap News might have fun with it, too. If they can get Chomsky on again to rap about it, I’ll be murdered by humor.
I seriously can’t stop giggling over here. I have a feeling people in the sociopath-oilgarch-spook class only associate with each other or similar variants, so I’m not feeling too bad about the betrayed spouses this time.
Wow. That feels harsh to me. All I can find about Holly Petreus is that she cares about people….but what do I know. Mr. Married-to-Broadwell and the two young sons, well they are not up for grabs yet. But my empathy meter says this will not feel so good to them as the tale unfolds. But, you know, whatever. Maybe those little boys are tainted already and so much for them.
I just can’t think that way. Old School, I guess.
How about “You knew I was a snake when I picked you up.”
Opps hit the wrong thing. Wasn’t necessarily meant for you.
Not so ‘nearly broke’ that they couldn’t hire Abbe Lowell (probably a million dollars retainer, that one) and some broke-down crisis manager from the nineties whose name escapes me.
I don’t mean to be insensitive. I’m just cynical about who would marry someone like a CIA director. I guess she could be part of his ploy to seem like a real human, but I’m thinking it’ll go more like this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Branden#Objectivist_movement
I have no idea how old the “young sons” are, but how does this relate to them? I don’t know what you mean by who knew who the snake was. There is a lot of hurt and distress to go around here. I don’t cut the cheaters any slack at all. But I won’t be laughing at those who endure the aftermath.
I mean, do objectivists marry normal people?
Well, “she” married him 37 years ago… and he was probably just a grunt back then. Whatever.
He was a cadet at West Point and she was the daughter of the W.P. Commandant.
Brown-noser his entire life!
People usually convert to Objectivism young. And he considers himself a Rockafeller Republican, and he was an open social darwinist.
I’m smelling Objectivist all over this character, too.
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/11/13/florida-housewife-in-petraeus-scandal-reportedly-never-spared-anything-for/
The sex angle, even though it will capture 100% of all media attention and di-fi is already scheduling senate hearings, is such a moot point.Why are these generals and former generals and their wives and girlfreinds and their dependents living in mansions and spending their days and nights attending whirlwind social galas?? Especially such mediocrites as tommy frank, or david pretreaus and the rest of the celebrity Lt.general jet-set?? The only mansion Ike ever lived in was the White House, (not counting the houses he temporarily commandeered from Kraut Nazi Bastards). These CEO’s in “cammy’s” are the best of the best and the brightest of the bright we are always told, just like thier civillian counterparts but just like thier civillian counterparts the massive investment in thier employment (in the case of generals with public money) cannot be very easily justified by their performance. The overclass CONSTANTLY insinuates that they got where they are from being so goddamn “excellent” – we have nothing to show for it but lost wars and bailed out TBTF banks…Petraeus would not have been in command of ANTYHING under Gen Marshall, or even Gen Eisenhauer or EVEN meglomaniac “dugout doug” MacArthur…they are benchwarmers, just like the 90 CEO’s who are about to dare to tell the American people we dont work hard enough or good enough (not like them) and they need more tax breaks and we deserve tax hikes and benefit cuts…what a sick perverse fucking culture we live in. The age of mediocrites. The age of the dual cults of finance capitalism and incompetent millitarism and throw in the cult of “expert” opinion as well.
Ooo…I like this hypothesis:
http://www.truth-out.org/buzzflash/commentary/item/17640-eric-cantor-s-petraeus-october-surprise-failed-as-fbi-stood-firm
I’m also wondering if this is a symptom of infighting with in the Big Tent Uniparty family?
lamentably, the purported left is comprised of too many idiots.
the moderators[censors] on this site continue to ignore that barry obombya is a mass murdering fascisg bastid. and will always be of that orientation.
they refuse to recognize that they have failed to recognize this gangster. is it because he is a mulattoe?
is it impossible for them to realize that beyond the era of bull connor that there gangsters with a perpetual darkness. not only of their skin. but of their soul.
there is often the thought amongst the purported left that no one with any negro blood could repudiate martin king and his teachings.
let us consider harold ford for a moment. need i say more?
crooked pols have no ties to any facial color. being more black than white doesn’t alter their fascist souls.
a fascist bastid will always be a fascist bastid.
and this is what the purported left needs to recognize. but it cannot. it is too overwhelmed by negritude.
Judy Smith. She’s been active in the naughts, as recently as Michael Vick. Before that, Kobe Bryant and Monica Lewinsky. Three awesome pr jobs, when you think about it.
I’ve heard, though, that the offices of these hi-test pros have yet to acknowledge the jobs, in keeping with the Kelleys’ allegedly shaky finances. “Beware of dog” sign where there is no dog?
Onion tribute:
This is why contemporary porno flicks have done away with plot and dialog. As we see in the Petraeus Affair, the extraneous details of who met whom, why, and when serve merely to bore the audience and distract from the hot, sweaty animal sex.
Already I’m bored. National security? Boring, the uniforms were plenty. Complicated plots to keep Petraeus out of jail? Who cares, the ladies are hot, and the pizza boy is knocking at the door.
Watch how I can fix this…..
Knock-Knock.
Judy: Jill honey, will you get that?
Jill: Sure! She bounces to the door, half naked.
Opens door.
Petraeus: Pizza’s here, ma’am!
Jill: My goodness, it’s a military man! Come on in, you hunk, you!
Petraeus enters, full military dress, carrying pie.
Petraeus: Is this the pizza you requested, ma’am?
Judy: Sure is! I can hardly wait ’til it’s…ALL IN! [winks at camera]
Petraeus: The rules of counter-insurgency are complex….
Jill: Oh, shut up and take those hot, tight clothes off!
Allen enters, naked and oiled. Built like a Greek god!
Allen: General Petraeus, this is highly irregular!
Petraeus, stripping: To battle, soldier!
Thumb-slapping bass guitar riff with Jew’s harp counterpoint…
…and so on.
Extra dialog simply delays the sex. All you really need is a stock photo of the Pentagon, plus one general’s uniform. And maybe a couple nurses’ outfits… The Petraeus Affair practically types itself.
Please allow me to associate myself wholly with your remarks.
x2
Oh, that non-acknowledgement is rich.
“Yeah, the Kelleys called. Sure, we chatted. No check yet, though.”
Can we make this Pat Robertson clip mandatory viewing for every American? That should get everyone into just 2 lines, really fast, then we can go from there.
Yep, it sucks that their respective dirty laundry is now public fodder. It’s hard enough being betrayed by your spouse let alone having a national audience after the fact and a running commentary about it.
I’m right there with you. I’ve gotten sick to my stomach reading running commentary on her looks and conjecture as to why he married her.
Apparently we’re a really shallow nation.
The question is if Objectivist types/social darwinists marry normal people. I contend that they don’t. They’ve always been a tight knit little cult and socially they keep to themselves, being so superior and all.
Would you marry the head of the CIA type of character?
I’m not sure.
I do know that sometimes good people can operate in morally gray areas. My husband was with the SEAL teams for 5 years so I imagine I’d probably be better at rationalizing then many when it comes to what my husband did for a living.