K-Lo, everybody. Requiring insurance plans to cover contraception is just like dissolving the Catholic Church in England so Henry VIII can marry a harlot:

Making the connection to the Fortnight crystal-clear, the archbishop emphasized: “St. Thomas More could be said to represent that conscientious private employer or employee who seeks to avoid doing or facilitating moral evil in course of daily work while striving to live and work in accord with the demands of social justice. He stands for those who go about their daily work in accord with their faith . . . and those who understand how dangerous it is to the common good to separate faith from life, the Gospel from culture.”

Yes. St. Thomas More would be all OVER making non-Catholic (and Catholic, too, but we’ll get to that after more quality crazy) women pay out of pocket whatever wealthy pharmaceutical companies wanted to gouge them for the privilege of not having a fifth kid in six years, or a kid out of wedlock, or LET’S NOT FORGET MEDICAL ADVANCES LIKE NOT BLEEDING TO DEATH FROM BENIGN TUMORS. St. Thomas More would be all, “Let the bitches pay $80-$100 or just die already.”

Take it away, K-Lo:

We got to this point in United States history, in which religious liberty is being redefined and eroded before our eyes, in part because we haven’t been answering our call as the laity — to be authentic Christian witnesses in our daily lives. Think of what it means to be a Catholic in public life. Is it distinguishable from anyone else’s, in ways beyond rhetoric? Do we live differently? Do we vote differently? Do we have different priorities and approaches based on authentic discernment of Christ’s daily call to us?

Clearly somebody fucked up somewhere, because something like 90 percent of Catholic women use birth control in some form. What we need to have happen here is for all good Catholic ladies to abandon their lifestyles of the “modern day” and renounce birth control.

Or, you know, Holy Mother Church could get Her shit together and, instead of basing policy on an archaic system of doing things that hasn’t been operative since dinosaurs ruled the earth, allow people to use their God-given consciences to make the best decisions for themselves, while concentrating on boring shit like feeding poor people.

This shit makes me so crazy. The Rules are only the point if they actually help somebody. Forcing women to live as if it’s 1855 and they have to have a child every time they have sex helps nobody. Forcing women to live with preventable illness and pain helps nobody. Forget the women, even, since these people seem to: Forcing women to have unwanted children doesn’t help those children one bit. It doesn’t help their husbands, either, really: More kids to feed and corral and send to college isn’t an automatic in the win column if you have less money than, say, a Romney. Theoretically, we put The Rules in place in order to make people’s lives better, and perpetuate them in order to continue that work.

This is perpetuating The Rules for the sake of The Rules, which is kind of what a very nice man got himself nailed to a tree for trying to tear down in the first place.

A.