Teddy!

I find myself more tolerant of slights and much slower to anger than when I was younger. On the other hand, I am also increasingly solitary by inclination. I find I enjoy my own company and the peace of solitude more than I used to.

Good evening, everyone!

I hardly ever get angry any more. Not, you know, really angry.

But I do find that there are lines which, once crossed, it’s very hard for people to come back from. Usually involving hurting people I love.

That is pretty much the way I am. I think that as I got older I came to understand better what was important and what wasn’t. Now I do not really sweat the small stuff, as it is simply not worth the effort.

Teddy, I think aging has a lot to do with it. For example, I raised 4 kids with all the business that goes with that – running madly around constantly. I reached an age where I wanted a very quiet life. I was an only child and learned from early age to amuse myself. It is something that has enabled me to be very happy just enjoying the things I do – reading, music, etc. Try not to worry about your Mom, she probably complains a little so that you will say you love her. She most likely is quite content.

Hi Teddy. Well, I am very much of a loner. I feel like I have friends in this community, and other than that, my friends are probably the people that have been my friends for many years, even though I have not seen them in a long, long time. I can not think of anyone I have lost through a slight- I just default to the hermit position. Part of it is our situation and circumstances where we live. We feel like strangers here, and trust very few people. We hope to change our living situation to a better spiritual ‘fit’ at some point, when we are able. Good topic.

Teddy!

I find myself thinking like your mom – “They know where I am”. But here’s why. I found myself in a serious depression, and in the process of working through that, discovered that most of my so-called friendships entailed me doing most of the work – me making all the phone calls, arranging all the get-togethers, putting forth the majority of the effort. If I quit doing that, there was little to no reciprocation. So how much of a friendship was it really? So yes, they know where I am…and if they call fine. If not, I am really tired, and trying to heal myself and take care of myself for once instead of always taking care of them.

So, like Dr. Dick, (Hi Dr. Dick!), I find myself enjoying my own company and not having to be responsible for anyone else. And loving it!

Hi Teddy,

Don’t need know stinkin fiends now, I got the innertubes. Got this little delete button too and also. Handy, never had that before, could have used one at times.

Seriously found I let go of old friends I had before I felt all this political stuff.(some of the were repubs and I didn’t know it. Got some new ones now. See things my way. I thought for a while Obama might be my friend but that didn’t turn out. I like Anna Netrebko a lot but she never writes or calls.

Ooh, a topic I’ve thought about a lot….I’ve let go too many friends, but in many cases, they let go of me. Usually when they started having kids, and it became tough to keep up long-distance friendships while juggling working and parenting, too. Or, in a few cases, no geographical distance, but parents found themselves spending time at kids events with other parents, and not including non-parent friends.

Since my family moved relatively often, I was usually the one who took responsibility for keeping in touch, until maybe my thirties. That, of course, is when my work life got craziest, and the parents’ lives were even more so, perhaps.

Had facebook or the internet and email been available thirty years ago, I think I might still be in touch, or better touch, with certain old friends. Many have turned up again because of facebook, or even searching out my email or address. But so many years have passed, we’ll never be close again; we don’t know more than a general outline of each others’ lives in between. I really regret that.

I worry, too, that because I have moved and found friends disappearing from my life, that I’m kind of used to it and don’t try hard enough to hang on anymore. It’s no fun to be the one who sends several letters over time (pre-net years, of course) with none in return. Eventually even I gave up.

Hey, lokywoky!

How you doing?

Thanks for that perspective! I hope so.

Still here – been a rough winter healthwise but I think things are on the uphill now hopefully!

You?

I worry that we don’t seek out like-minded people, blaming our current environment sometimes. There are some very nice people here, I’m sure — I’ve met some! But my goodness sometimes it seems like an effort! Not meaning anything against the specific people, just that the older I am the harder it is to get going and get out there….

Just recently I became estranged from someone I thought was a very good friend. I, believing that every friendship is to be valued and worthy of putting effort into, took the initiative and reached out. The response was swift, hurtful and deliberately cruel. The rant I got in lieu of explanation only asked more questions about what went wrong. The whole experience has left me deeply jaded and the one certain lesson I took from it was to never open myself up for that kind of hurt again. Right or wrong, at this point that’s all I can do.

This is a very good perspective also, thank you for sharing it.

been a rough winter healthwise but I think things are on the uphill now hopefully!

A whole lotta people been living that lately!

I’ve always been intrigued that the words friend and fiend are but one letter different, but — yeah.

I hope so, too. You couldn’t “fix” it for her even if you lived next door. I am very close to my kids and grandchildren. I send them funny things, animal stuff and good diaries and posts from here and other places. Try sending your Mom something silly every day – make her laugh.

Doing well. Enjoying work and my life, quiet though it is. Went out hiking for the first time this year yesterday. Just about 3 miles up in the Rattlesnake. Will be graduating my second Ph.D. student this semester. She successfully defended her dissertation a few weeks ago. She will be the fourth in the department.

Sorry to hear that. It is always painful when something like that happens.

Teddy, what an interesting topic. I was married and raised kids and had an active life supporting my husband’s endeavors and doing volunteer work and eventually attending to my own wants and needs. I’ve had friends fall away over the years, and I miss them, actually. But I do love living solo and having the opportunity to work at my own discretion, clean at my own discretion, spend time at my own discretion. My sense is that many past friendships were, shall we say, circumstantial. Circumstances change. I’ve known some people who really cannot be alone. I’m not one of them.

Reminds me of the exercise I’d see my mom go through every Xmas, with cards. “Let’s see now, haven’t got one from them for two years, so I guess they don’t want cards.” It is a topic I’m thinking about more nowadays, for lots of reasons. Perhaps living in a new place makes me think about it more.

I await your comments…

*heh* Ya’ll done sprung ahead of me…! ;-)

Aloha, Teddy, and LN denizens, it’s still a glorious afternoon here…! *g*

That’s very sad; I can’t imagine someone treating you like that.

Well, yes I can. Not about you particularly, but jeez — People are weird. Sometimes we will just never know what sets them off, will we?

Right now I am living in the uncertain world of major drug shortages – never knowing from one month to the next whether I will get my treatment, whether I will get the full dose or just a partial one, or will it be on time or will I have to wait extra week(s) or what. Makes life really “interesting”. NOT!

What lokywoky and TJ said.

Interestingly, I still have a friend I’ve known since 3rd grade. We have absolutely nothing in common anymore. She dropped out of high school, I went to college, she had kids, I didn’t. For what ever reason, at least every 2 years, one or the other of us reaches out. We haven’t physically been in each others presence for close to 20 years.

Mostly, I think, we just move on, for one reason or another.

Yeah, I used to try to send her cards twice a week — just notes so that there was something in the mailbox other that ads. I don’t know that, after five years or so, she ever once mentioned it. It’s that kind of turning inward that I worry about: I don’t want to miss the chance to thank people for their efforts in the future!

I suppose. I’ve never had it happen before.

Hey Teddy ;-)

Well I’ve also always been pretty comfortable with my own company. As I’ve experienced more of life’s slings and arrows I’ve gotten more tolerant of minor annoyances but I guess I’m also clearer on who are my true friends (rare) and who are just congenial acquaintances and drinking buddies. I have no problem with the latter but find myself less and less going out of my way to hang out with them. Also I’m finding that most of my real friends are other bikers and while I don’t chit chat with them much I do connect with them on runs or at various events each year but outside the city and mostly even outside the state. I very rarely socialize in San Francisco any more. Partly I guess that’s cause the internet and the cost of living here has pretty much killed the gay bar scene. Also of course AIDS pretty much decimated my generation of gay men and the kids are OK really but to them I’m essentially the last dinosaur.

Wow! Congratulations to both of you! That takes a lot of work and dedication on the part of both the teacher and the student. I am impressed. :)

Sorry to hear that. Sometimes my drugstore is out of something and I’ll get a partial refill and get the rest later – and that’s Walgreens. Don’t understand the shortage of drugs but I read about it all the time. Hope all goes well for you in the future.

It has happened to me once or twice and I never did figure out what went wrong. Really unsettling and shocked the hell out of me at the time, but life goes on and you meet new people and make new friends.

I still have no real clues, just hunches and speculation. I know what she told me but if that was really true, then she wouldn’t be behaving rationally at all. I suppose that’s a possibility as her behavior is anything but rational at this point. The only thing I’m sure of once again is the desire to avoid opening myself up for that kind of treatment anymore.

That is very cool to maintain a friendship for that long.

My childhood was interrupted by a mid-highschool move, which was very exciting at the time and worked out very well in the short term. But I have no friends from my earliest childhood, prior to the move; those were all lifelong friends when we left. And all of the subsequent friends I made were really too short term (before going away to college) to maintain through the many changes that came after high school.

I envy people with very long-term friendships. I only have a few. But I do recall my mother saying several times that as an adult, you really only have enough friends to count on one hand.

Not to interrupt your process of healing, but sometimes a letter asking WHY? can break through.

Drug companies are trying out new strategies for gouging the public. With all the pressure to control medical costs, and the exorbitant prices we pay in this country, they have to know that they are in the cross hairs.

Oops! I just meant the flu. Good luck!

Hey, I hope things improve for you at work this week.

We have a hole in our generation, and in our hearts. I forget how small our cohort is compared to those that came before us or follow.

Thanks. This is a nationwide shortage – not just one drugstore low on stock. The “drug” is actually a blood product and it’s because they have found that it is good for so many people with autoimmune disorders – now there is a huge demand and not enough supply. I get mine through the VA so you know if the federal government can’t get their hands on it there really isn’t any to be found anywhere.

So tell all your friends who can to go donate blood. And do it often! We need it! And thank you in advance!

Yeah, I tried that too and was told to “not butt in where (I’m) not wanted” and to exercise “(my) vaunted ability” of being able to avoid imposing myself on someone who doesn’t want me around. It was pretty cruel actually but not really informative.

{{{{{Teddy & Softail}}}}}

Well, you know, my life is about as full as it can be right now. I have ‘lost’ some old friends, and family, too, over the years but if I had them ‘back’, where would I put them? I am a good friend, I think, to my friends here and now. People a distance away — sorry, they could be on the moon. I am the world’s worst grandma and a neglectful daughter. My high school BFF is a mental health therapist of some sort at an anti-abortion clinic in Washington state. Meh. But there are a few people here, and a larger number of cats, squirrels, raccoons and birds, who, I am pretty sure, will vouch for me if it ever comes to that. I am content.

Sounds as if that person had a whole other set of problems that had nothing to do with you. I’ll bet that you will learn at some point what it was.

Had never really thought about that situation. Had a couple of friends die of AIDS in the early 90s, but have never spent much time in the gay scene. That has to be really sad and lonely, at least if you do not have a partner or some close friends. I find that as I age, the bar scene gets less and less appealing. Even ten years ago, I was out every weekend and some week nights. Now I hardly go out at all.

Thanks ;-)

I’ll bet that you will learn at some point what it was.

Well if so it will be good in that it will shed some light on the subject. I can’t see how we’re ever friends again though.

There are obviously issues there that that go well beyond anything you did or anything you can personally do much about.

No, the trust is gone. But don’t hold back with people too much – might miss a chance to have a really good friend. All my friends are right here and I truly enjoy it. I just realized that I have never met a single one of you and yet I feel as if I know so many of you very well.

One of the cancer drugs there is a problem with is/was produced (in generic form only) at a plant in Canada with a history of safety/quality violations. The plant was finally shut down because of safety concerns. But unfortunately it was the only producer of the drug in question. It is a drug that is used only for a small cohort of childhood cancers – so it isn’t cost effective enough to be viable for a lot of other companies to produce and no one else was making it.

That was the conundrum. Continue risking making it at a place where the quality was very suspect due to contamination and other problems or shut the place down and hope someone else would pick it up (which they haven’t so far). I guess there is another drug that is similar but that doesn’t work quite as well that doctors are using in the interim but the parents of kids with that particular cancer must be beside themselves.

AND THE KILLIN’ GOEZ ON AND ON AND…

Citizen Teddy Partridge:

“Why, as natural processes take some friends from us, do we find it easier to let others fall away…Is it easier to be in control of the process in some way? Rather than let death or old age’s toll take our friends from us, do we gain power over the friendship by ending it before nature can?”

Awe Teddy, Teddy Teddy.. don’t we sometimes try to escape the unending pain of death and nature by ending the friendship on our own terms and securing the love in our memory so that we can take it with us, selfishly to the grave?

I certainly don’t have an answer…shit, I can barely grasp the extent of the questions! However, Brother Teddy I can feel the weight of your pain in the words you share here! Maybe Emerson can provide some surcease: “Undoubtedly we have no questions to ask which are unanswerable…Let us interrogate the great apparition that shines so peacefully around us. Let us inquire to what end is nature.”

That is all I can offer and I can’t promise that the pain is not part of the answer.

Thanks for sharing Citizen…peace in your heart, brother.

I know the “explanation” I got was something that was so trivial in nature that it’s pretty much analogous to getting the death penalty for jaywalking. I still don’t know but I don’t want to think about it anymore. Tomorrow’s another day. Oya!

Oh, I completely understand that.

One thing I realized — in an employment context, when I couldn’t understand being let go and when none of the stated reasons made any sense whatsoever — is that not all actors are rational. Sometimes people do things for reasons that defy common sense. They act on caprice or whim.

It’s hard to grasp, and even harder for them to back down from.

My dear Margaret, I agree and disagree with Twain. I agree that it was probably nothing at all to do with you, but doubt that you will ever find out what it was.

That’s good.

Perhaps living in a new place makes me think about it more.

Very likely, Teddy. No question, it is tougher to make new friends as we age…people have their friends and unless you find someone in circumstances similar to yours (like, new in town), most just don’t care to make the effort. It’s a major reason I’m still here even though the marriage that was what kept me here ended.

Because of moves, and the fact that my parents moved again after I’d married my first husband and moved away, I really don’t have a home town, so I also couldn’t quite figure out where to move to.

One of the good things abou a retirement community, if you can afford such a place, after a certain age, is that it throws people together who otherwise might simply become hermits as their friends and family die. My mother has made a number of new friends – although a few of those have then passed away, too.

I’ve always been best at making friends in a group setting, like school, a dorm, a work setting. Neighbors…not so much. Then the second marriage was to a man who decided he didn’t want to meet any new people ever again…and gradually my opportunities shrank, too, because I couldn’t do the usual thing, like invite new acquaintances over, host a party, etc. To the extent that when I did invite a few new acquaintances over, he refused to participate, even to being introduced to the guests. But he wandered in and out of the kitchen through the evening, without saying a word, perfectly visible. The guests were clearly appalled, and mystified, and I never heard from any of them again. And I never tried it again.

((((Crane-Station))))

Probably the best solution. Take care and try to enjoy the days ahead.

Thank you, that’s very nice of you.

I think another issue with friends as we age is that if we had friends together with a life partner, and then we lose the partner – the friends often disappear as well. Seems like in most cases, couples don’t know what to do with you once you are a ‘single’ again for whatever reason. People who used to be there every other day just vanish from your life and if you call or write them they all have the dumbest excuses why they don’t call or come over any more. Particularly if your partner has died. That one is really difficult.

Oh, dear, that must have been disconcerting. He could have at least kept scarce while you tried to build a life, one would think.

Yeah, I think that one is pretty big. Singles among us older folks tend to get left out of the mix for whatever reason. I have noticed myself in my interactions with other folks.

Must say I can’t imagine anything worse than living in a retirement community. I don’t mind dying but I sure as heck don’t want to watch other people die – especially on a regular basis.

Sounds a lot like my first wife in that way.

Oh, that is so true, and it happens with both divorce and death. Suddenly, you’re the “extra guest”, the fifth wheel, etc. Especially if you’re a woman. I’ve heard for decades about the shock of new widows who find themselves excluded from the social life they’ve been part of for years and years. Terribly sad, and terrible behavior.

Yeah and I would hate to only be around old people all the time. Most of my friends are my age, but I really enjoy the interaction with young people I get in my job. Keeps you young and vital in your mind.

“Never too late to start.”

Thank You Friends

[skip the ad and play it loud!]

My husband is the opposite, fortunately. He’s the more gregarious of us, the problem is getting him out of the house. He takes nesting very seriously.

Yes, well, sorry. We have had Conservative governments here for some years, more in some provinces than others, and we are now all about self-policing meat-packing plants, water filtration plants, drug companies, but they are still on the ‘free market fixes everything’ yammer yammer.

Time for me to toddle off. Young minds need more corrupting in the morning. Take care all.

I think he was mad ’cause I went ahead with the plan, thinking he would reluctantly come along, and end up having a good time.

I must say, he’s the person from whom I learned that people can say the most terrible, hurtful things when they’re angry or hurt…and later not even remember saying them, apparently saying these things without meaning them at all.
So, yeah, when someone is cruel and hurtful, it’s probably coming from some problem of their own (unless you did do something terrible and deserved it…I suppose that happens, right?)
Truly, much was explained when he finally got a diagnosis of bi-polar. But the hurts, some of which didn’t become clear until I was disconnected from him, will not heal. I’ve accepted that. Wait, we’re going off on a tangent.
But to bring the topic back…a spouse who hates your friends, or vice-versa, can mean the end of a friendship. If it comes down to choosing, most of us will choose the spouse.

Yup. Been through both scenarios – a divorce, and a sudden death. A divorce you kind of have some preparation for. In my case, the death was very sudden – we got a diagnosis on Saturday evening and the following Thursday morning he died. Thirty days later I was completely broke, out of our house, and in a U-haul on my way 3000 miles across the country.

Talk about uprooted and shocked!

One thing I have learned from work experiences is that there are the reasons and there the are excuses and you generally only know the latter.

Night Dr. Dick.

Just jumping in at 60+ without reading comments (promise, I’ll go back). Speaking of estrangement, my 3 siblings and some of their children plus my mother’s best friends and their children, all met at my mother’s funeral last month. It was a wonderful experience, and we all laughed and wept. For the first time in 20 years my siblings and I are communicating. Sigh.

Not complaining about Canada – it could just as easily have been here in the US. Cue the multiple stories of the multi-million-dollar fines levied against any one of our major drug companies in the last couple of years for lying about their drugs etc and how many of them have been pulled off the market recently due to massive unreported side effects. And I agree about the ‘free-market fixes everything yadda yadda yadda’ bull-pucky.

How awful.

OMG, I cannot imagine that. ((((Lokywoky)))) Still shaking my head, cannot imagine.

Yes, I’ve heard this a great deal from opposite-sex couples. It’s rather different for same-sex couples when they part or one dies; lots of speculation about how soon is too soon to make a move!

Aloha, Norske…! I’m burning over the latest murderous spree, myself…! *gah*

That’s wonderful. I envy you. At my dad’s, 2 of my brothers almost got into a fistfight and they have not spoken to each other since. One of them told my mother that he and his wife wouldn’t speak to her either until she apologized to him! I personally think both of them owe HER an apology but what do I know? Anyway….

Like I said, I envy you. Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, it has its pros and cons. I have to say if the alternative is staying isolated in a house you can no longer get around (stairs, for example) or take care of, it has real advantages. Dining facilities, one or two meals a day, so you don’t have to cook or clean up from cooking, services such as apt. cleaning available, emergency help in case of medical emergency, and that available social life, plus the usual amenities of exercise and classes and even a chapel, plus all connected so she never has to go out in the snow and risk falling.
When she was discharged from the hospital last year, she was able to go home because her p.t. and occupational therapy, as well as assistance in bathing, etc. were all coordinated right there.
It is sort of weird to be surrounded mostly by very old people, but relatives visit a lot, and the range of “old people” is broad. Last time I was there I met a new resident younger than I am.

And, of course, unlike a nursing home, most are living independently, have cars as long as they can drive, and don’t spend every moment at home by a long shot.
Yeah, but it’s a best case made necessary by the fact that we are living too long, sometimes. the old ways don’t work so well. My mom hasn’t given up her friendships with people who don’t live there, which would have been hard to maintain, just as we’ve been discussing, if she had to come live with me 2000 miles away. Or, shudder, vice versa.

That reminds me of my Dad’s sudden demise in a helicopter crash in Pine Point, NWT, where we’d lived, and my subsequent enrollment in Sunset Beach Elementary on Oahu, 30 days later…! Talk about shell shock…! ;-)

Totally OK to blame Canada! I am embarrassed as hell for us, we know better than this sort of shit. Why do the govts which feel compelled to regulate and police flesh-and-bloods minutely believe that corps will be good on their own?

“The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship” — William Blake. (He means humankind, right?)

Teddy,

Don’t worry about your Mom. Her sadness is more about her own understanding of the reality of the limits of intimacy, rather than her genetic dominance over your ability to deal with your own reality.

My conclusion so far (I’m 54) is that we each live a series of lives.

I’ve had the good fortune to be a loving parent of children in a horrible marriage.
Living in a parallel universe (in your prime 30s-40S), as equally loving parents in a loveless marriage, is a reality that many people can relate to, if they are honest. Friends who exist in similar circumstances, yet deny, fall by the wayside when the child rearing phase passes.

‘Estrangement’ seems (to me, at least) like simple denial. These ‘estranged friends”(or family members) simply never got who you are. Making peace with, and discarding,those friends who were important to you during your previous life is healthy. Brooding about past friendships that could only exist in those past lives is destructive and sad. (IMHO)

At the end of the day you are not left friendless, if you are a normal human being. You’re left with different friends, (and if you’ve lived well, plenty of enemies who will hate you.)

That’s really interesting Teddy. I wouldn’t have thought the dynamic would be that different among couples no matter the gender. But even though I’ve lived next door to and known same-sex couples for years, I guess I really haven’t been around a couple that split up – at least at the time the split happened. Wow!

Oh, lokywoky, how terrible for you! The death itself is terrible enough, but all the rest…So sorry for you having to go through that.

Teddy at 79 – actually, I think one reason widows get dropped is that their former friends, the wives in the couples, are afraid that her presence as a single woman will have exactly that effect on their husbands.
And I’ve also heard some stories of widows finding late hubby’s good friends moving in amazingly fast, with some seduction technique along the lines of, “well, you must surely miss having sex, I’ll be glad to help you with that…just don’t tell my wife.”

Hmm. Happens with alt-sex couples too. We hadn’t even had the funeral when the widow from down the street came flying up the driveway, pan of scalloped potatoes under one arm and fur coat flapping in the breeze. Been my dad’s gf for 20 yrs now. :)

Oh, yeah. Any half-decent widower will find himself the recipient of many casseroles from widows and divorced women. (I’d bet not so much from the never-married)

A couple of months after my Dad died, the local grocery store owner who was married with children knocked on the door one day and wanted to know if she would like to go for a drive. My mother freaked out. Called me to tell me about it. She was really upset and then we both started to laugh. It became just a funny event for us. He was fat, balding and totally obnoxious.

(I’d bet not so much from the never-married)

*heh* A very discerning lot, indeed…! ;-)

My dad says the secret of attracting lots of ladies is to survive to 70. At that point the odds are just in your favour. He’ll be 90 next July.

That’s wonderful Christine, I’m sorry it took a funeral to make it happen, but it’s great nonetheless.

Wow! LOL!

Hoo-ha! At least she was spared the meat jokes!

And…mea culpa. I’ve just realized that the one new friend I’ve made in recent months may be endangered by my cluelessness today; she called yesterday after I went out to run a bunch of errands. Got home late-ish, many things to do in the house, so never called back. Meant to call today, but, well, this task needed to get done, and that errand needed to be run….and there we go! Pure thoughtlessness on my part. I’d better leave myself a note to call her tomorrow (it’s way past her bedtime now).

Sheesh. How long did that realization take me?

My mother would never have understood the meat jokes. Trust me.

Yeah, it was funny. When my mum was dying, she said that Dad and C— would be good for each other. C–’s husband had died some yrs before, he had been an engineer in an automotive plastics plant and died very slowly and painfully of emphysema, as did many of his co-workers. So it was sort of a hand-off. I think it made her feel better.

Dad and C– have separate homes, but often travel together and spend a month or so together in Fl every winter. We work holiday dinners around the two families, which haven’t ‘blended’ much, although her kids and grandkids are all nice people.

Another odd thing is that my father still attends Mass regularly and is a lecturer or whatever they call it. What does this mean? Here I am nearly 65 and speculating on my parent’s sex life!

Do Not Go There. LOL

Of course most of the widows have the last laugh on being “dumped” by the couples who are afraid the guys will be tempted. All the guys die and all the widows wind up back together again in the “Old Wives Club”. Ha Ha!

Making peace with, and discarding,those friends who were important to you during your previous life is healthy. Brooding about past friendships that could only exist in those past lives is destructive and sad. (IMHO)

Yes, this. Thank you!

Gotta say that my dad really seems to be comfortable in his retirement community….plays bridge, current events group, lots of vibrant old folks. But he’s quite social…. and he’s not overly religious. He understands that life is, well, terminal. He’s enjoying the days he has and with people who are smart and amusing…even if bent with arthritis. I hope I can do some end years as comfortably!

Well, I am off for the night, OMG, 12:32, not used to this daylight saving time. Wish they wouldn’t bother. Or would do it the other way. I would much prefer an extra hour of *morning* daylight, all for me, rather than at night when I am tired and my head is full of work-thoughts.

It is both sad and wonderful. My Dad, now widowed but happy in his adult community, speaks to all 4 of his children every week. And we all strive to visit. I’m old now too, so it is more important than ever that we meet and have some laughs and quality time.

Congrats on the 100!

That used to be a big thing around here; we hardly ever get there any more!

Ditto on the DST. Night!

Hey, I’ve never gotten that before. Should I open the champagne? Just maybe one cartwheel?

And roaring for more…

Well, thanks for starting us off with a really good topic. Cheers!

I want the cartwheel please….pretty please?

*psst* Teddy, it’s the 99 these days…! Sorry ya didn’t get the memo earlier…! *g*

I promise to call my siblings, and my Dad is a hoot at almost 89 (March 15). He plays in a band!

Okay. All done. Broke an arm and 3 toes but what the heck.

killjoy (using small voice)

Is that really so? I’m not in touch, clearly! Aloha, CT.

Okay! Holding up an 8.9 for the effort!

Margaret, you’re certainly a big girl and intelligent so please don’t take this as a lecture but just an expression of hope—please don’t let one person do that to you. You did the right thing. Hopefully you won’t ever be put in that position again but that happens sometimes. But don’t be jaded and not willing to give another friendship a second chance if need be. Might be worth it but it’ll never happen if you let someone who appears to have tuned out to be an asshole be the reason to not give it a shot. I mean, you reached out because you thought it was right. I do too. If it’s right, the “friend’s” reaction doesn’t make it wrong. It’s still the right thing to do.

Again, hope that didn’t come off heavy handed or overbearing.

Better than the Russian?

Moi, M’dear…? Perish the thought…! ;-)

Absolutely!!!!!

Aloha, Christine…! Did ya crack that Hilo guidebook, yet…? ;-)

Know what might make all this easier? My (17 year-old) daughter’s approach. Recently she told me very casually and matter of factly “I hate my friends.” Still trying to figure that one out but it seems to skip right over estrangement.

Of course that assumes that you DID keep your shirt on…

Nope. Totally bare. :) No, don’t picture it. At my age I should be ashamed of such goings on.

Confession: no. Did a library program for three hours today at our public library about Rembrandt, and our show at the CMA. Then worked in the yard for hours picking up winter debris. Shrimp dinner and recycling this evening. I am a lazy ass, and the guide book sits looking at me.

Drat. I was hoping you were not going to try to out-do Putin in the bare-chest contest. Hmmm. I hope I don’t have to dock you a point for that.

But I have a morning off this week!

I suspect Peggy has long gone to bed. Just letting you know so you don’t interpret silence as meaning she’s offended. *g*

Well, at least, look at the pictures and tell me whatcha want to see, M’dear…! Plenty of eye-candy abounds…! ;-)

Well, if you have to – I won’t notice ’cause I’m so sleepy. Want to go to bed but I’m downloading software to my iPad. Hope the dog knows about the time change. I do not want to go three rounds with a starving chihuahua at 5am.

Dang…that first part of your post does not describe a “lazy ass!”

I was already gape-mouthed at the thought of speakng for 3 hours on anything…Lord knows, the subject would have plenty of material, but…wow. did it go well?

Thanks to everyone who contributed for a really thoughtful and human conversation tonight.

LOL. I figured that too. But I had just gotten here and was reading the comments and read hers and was kinda troubled by it. I guess what I was saying was what a Jesuit in high school told me was an ancient Chinese proverb: Don’t let the bastards get you down.

It’s been great fun. Thanks, Teddy.

Winning post, Teddy! Winning.

Twain…it always boggles my mind, too, but I think your clock is now an hour ahead of the chihuahua’s…he’s gonna think you’re up early, and be surprised you’re serving him breakfast so soon.

Mahalo Nui Loa to ya, Teddy…! *g*

sure.turned out that way beacuse it was an interesting, provocative topic. thanks ted for getting it started with that post. I got here late but enjoyed the comments.

It was; great idea, Teddy. I’d say it’s pretty clear all of us had thoughts on the subject.

Aw, hell, used to know the Latin for that…non something something carborundum? Too sleepy to google it…

Thanks again for a great topic, Teddy. Have a good night!

It did. We here, in the world of “hot house flowers” do pick up ways of loving art. Thanks, tej!

I’ve been temperamental my entire life, easy to explode and write people off until I realized that anger is actually painful; it hurts to be angry, it is a form of pain. So I found, to my surprise, how easy it is to control anger once you make the effort! And how wonderful to reestablish the old friendships. It’s the only way.

The longer you live, the more you move onto your own agenda. That agenda likely takes up quite a lot of your time. Satisfactorily so. And people seem to divide into two camps: people who make the effort, initiate the contact, set up the play dates, and people who are correspondingly serviced. I used to be in the former camp. I’ve decamped. Too much trouble for too little return. Whether intended or not, it makes me feel as I’m not worth their effort but they’ll humor me if I make the effort.

It’s useless to broach the issue because I’ve never met anyone who wants an honest discussion of that subject. Maybe no one wants to say, “I’m just not as into you as you seem to be into me.” Sure would save time, tho. However, the point, whatever it means to the person making it, gets across over time and I’ve dropped some people because I tired of making the meet-up arrangements or because they weren’t reliable in ways I consider absolutely fundamental to common decency, let alone friendship. Hell, my former next door neighbor, who was an acquaintance, was a better, more reliable friend than some “friends.” In my view, there are some requests that require one’s participation, if at all possible, and picking and choosing isn’t an option. I’m a minority view in that.

yeah. me too. but i took greek in h.s. jevvies gave us a choice. we all got an infusion of latin, even w/ 3 yrs. of greek

There are no answers to yer questions I can offer.

Life is weird, n that’s that.

I had lots of pals and palettes when I was young, I had issues with family thru my 40′s, my folks died.

I still have issues with family.

I also have fewer friends and remain more and more thankful for my partner in life that I share every day and scheckel with.

I recall vividly bonds with others that no longer exist and I miss them bonds and some of them who died on me.

It’s a mix I guess?

N every day is different.

Few things are constant, few things are held from the past but my memories and smiles.

Life’s been good to me so far . . . other from the losses, bad times and crazy shit I did that caused me pains.

You? ;-)

Late to this ‘party’ but I watched my mother become estranged from many of her friends even though most all of them lived in our small hometown. IN her case, I think it was just her dealing with her health problems. As it was, I also think she was ‘surprised’ at the turnout for her memorial service as there were a lot of people she hadn’t seen for years.

For me, I have to say that Facebook has been a wonder as it has allowed me to re-connect with family, friends, and acquaintances from just about every phase of my life

I watched my father relocate, leaving many friends behind. It was to be near two of his children (including me), and because he was lonely, and tired of reading in the obituaries about people he knew, or used to know (not reading the obituaries didn’t seem to occur to him). More recently, he relocated again, because he wanted to live with one of his children, and it wasn’t feasible here, so he moved to someplace where he knew almost no one except my sister, her family, and a few of her friends he’d met over the years. After two years, he’s lonely and wonders why nobody’s sitting home nights with him.

He makes all the complaints about nobody calling him, etc.After the first relocation, he did make some limited efforts to meet people on his own. After the second, none. It doesn’t seem to occur to him that we only lose the capacity to make friends if we let it atrophy. I hope that never happens to me.

Teddy, thanks for the post. I am so lucky to have great friends. And I try to be a good friend too. My life is so complicated now, I have to just be glad my friends reach out, because my time is so freaking limited.

I do try to make time for my friends, I need them and they are good for me. I don’t think that is too selfish. . .I give with abandon when I can. As for estrangement, I’ve had a few, and I have found that it is fine to be a FB friend when the offer is made. . .can let bygones be bygones at some point. But I am not a person who wants to estrange people, as a rule.

I have a couple of friends older that I am who have been difficult and have estranged people, one does it a LOT. It has been a lesson for me to watch it. There is no reason to be that difficult, and I don’t understand the motivation. I do appreciate that it is not bad to stop seeing people who are not nice. . .sad for them, maybe, but I don’t need the aggravation.

Teddy,

I’ve arrived to your party, and of late, I seem to arrive late to the good parties, and your’s being one of them.

From my philosophical realm, “eternity” commenced upon my birth and will end upon my death. From the “tradition” of the Pima Indian, GOD pronouced, “That I Am!” and consequently, I am never alone due to my duality and that being my spirituality. And according to the Hopi, the Morning Prayer with Corn Pollen begins the day. And at end of day, going out to the Desert, when the water feezes, I can hear Big Mama, the Great Matriarch of Universal Totality, singing to me. And on occasion, I will seranade Her as well, and all according to the Yaqui/Apache.

And like Dr. Dick in Post #1, I too like my solitude, knowing that my Spritual-Self, is more than just my shadow.

And perhaps, “Black Elk Speaks” is reasonably correct in which Time is synchonized with the multiplicity of “hoops” signifying “persons of the Spiritual” forever progressing.

In closing, the You, has touched the Spanish-speaking Community here in the Sonoran Desert, and Teddy, the light now shines on you, and from the standpoint of this inconsequential writer.

Jaango