There will be no fireworks in Texas this year because of the worst drought in over a century, which is totally unrelated to global warming.

But I always have wondered: why do we play the 1812 Overture on the Fourth? It was written by a (gay) Russian to commemorate the Czar’s victory over Napoleon. So when those cannons start going off, they’re saying, “Hurray! Russia wins!”

Doesn’t anyone else find that a bit, um — strange?