Newt Gingrich is running. For president.
Newt Gingrich is running.
President of the… (checks) — of the United States.
Of, uh, America.
When I heard this, I was only hoping he was running for president of the White Knights Noble Reserve of Bumfuck, Whereverthefuck, on a platform indistinguishable from old Senator Bilbo’s, only more parochial and with updated euphemisms, and even more pointlessly pissbrained reactionary.
Newt. Fucking. Gingrich.
I was considering a longer post about how Gingrich the multiply-tedious-anachronism is an obnoxious dimwit pseudo-intellectual posturing self-absorbed fossil, but fuck that, contemplating Newt Gingrich for too long makes me sympathize with bears who chew off their own legs rather than say hi to the trapper.
So instead I’ll just offer this trade.
Newt, we’ll give you a mulligan on another child bride if you’ll agree to just shut the fuck up and go away.
For reals. Deal?
But seriously, folks, a GOP field where Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump are among the most credible candidates makes me want to throw up, and I get my kicks from making fun of these twits.