Matt Dean

One of the more entertaining things this week has been watching Republican Matt Dean, current Majority Leader of the Minnesota House, shoot himself in the foot whilst trying to use poor Neil Gaiman as a gun against fellow House Republican Dean Urdahl, who has often been suspected by the more rabid wing of the Republican caucus of being a closet Democrat as he’s been known on occasion to make sense.

To mark the event, I decided to lift an old Child ballad, “Matty Groves“, and have a little fun writing new words to go with it. Enjoy!

A demagogue, a demagogue, and a douchebag without peer,
The man the RPM has picked to lead the House chamber.
The other day in the well of the House he cast his eyes about
And there he saw Dean Urdahl, to whom he gave a shout:

“O vile man, o wretched man, you fake Republican!
Your Legacy reform bill I can’t allow to stand.
It doesn’t punish MPR by holding back their check,
It doesn’t hurt Neil Gaiman, he of the pencil neck.

This bill might change who hands out the dough but doesn’t do much more -
It needs to hurt Neil Gaiman, that weasel makes me sore.
You need to keep your caucus in mind if you want to stay where you’re at.
Already you’re suspected of being a Democrat!”

A blogger who was standing by, and hearing what was said,
She swore her readership should know before the sun had set.
She told her readers the gospel truth, she told them one and all
That Matty Dean used Gaiman to beat up Dean Urdahl.

Little Matty Dean he then stopped and breathed in some fresh air -
When he was done he noticed his mother standing there.
Saying “What are you doing Matthew Dean? You silly little git!
Apologize to Gaiman now – I raised you better than that.”

So as the story stands right now Matt Dean’s a laughingstock,
His use of Gaiman as a club is seen to be a crock.
And as for Urdahl, my advice if Dean won’t treat hm well
Is to go and switch his sides for real and join the DFL!