by kjd

There’s nothing wingnuts love more than meaningless political theater.

When Republicans take over the House next week, they will do something that apparently has never been done before in the chamber’s 221-year history: They will read the Constitution aloud.

And Jon Chait makes a funny observation.

My favorite part is going to be when they read the word “welfare.” It’s in the first sentence!

Yeah, well — maybe they’ll just skip the preamble.

But, unfortunately for the Republicans, they’ll also have to read this:

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;

Again with the taxes and the welfare.

Then there’s this:

The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

But…but…Obama’s executive overreach! And this:

This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land…

Oopsie! That means George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are criminals, since they violated the Geneva Conventions. And:

The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.

But…but…America’s a Christian nation! Isn’t the Republican presidential primary pretty much a religious test these days?

And they should probably skip over the Bill of Rights, because it’s got all kinds of bad stuff in it — like for instance,

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…

At this point, Michele Bachmann’s going to be screaming, “Lalalala! I can’t hear you! Christian nation! Christian nation!”

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated…

But…but…we’re fighting the War on Terror(TM)!

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Damnit, there goes endless solitary confinement and waterboarding. And possibly the death penalty.

Why does the Constitution hate America?