Late Night: Open Your Heart, in Christmas Charity, To the Bigots

Upon the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t  Tell, there has been much rejoicing. And fair enough. It is a landmark civil rights victory, and so forth, of the sort you don’t see every day.

But then, perhaps it is wrong, or even worse, Bad Manners, to see the end of DADT as a Victory Over Bigotry. I mean, most very sincerely, that at the very least one should never call the opponents of repealing DADT bigots. That would be rude. We must be charitable as to their motives.

Think! If you don’t like the gays, but you enjoy the stupid wars, why would you keep the gays out of the stupid wars?

Indeed, a solid argument could be made that over the past decade the people in charge of military policy are virulently anti-heterosexual, because no matter how earnestly and passionately the gays pleaded, only the straights were allowed to officially get shot at over preposterous bullshit.

The American Right, when you squint at it like that, are the great & profound defenders of American gays.

Is it so very hard to see, say, Elaine Donnelly, as anything less than a Friend of the Homos? (Well… yes, the venomous shit, she is. But bear with me!)

Or is this guy anything other than Genuinely Concerned about how the Marines are now FLAMING? (Warning: too funny.)

Look, there is a genuine concern about how homosexuals might react in combat situations — after all, homos are not totally butch with their heads on straight (ha ha my little joke), like, say, that fine heterosexual fellow, what’s his name, you know, from Jersey Shore, you know… The Preposition? That guy. Gays can’t be that guy, and so, you see, do not nearly so well deserve to be shot at.

It all makes sense, see? Alert John McCain. Throw him a doggie biscuit, is the trick, and he may just calm down enough for a few minutes to listen to you. Snarl…

Anyway, it’s all good. Maybe one day the doors will continue to open, and hard as it is to believe, we’ll see the world’s first gay Catholic priest. Dare to dream!

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