Mr. D. Day (his real name) has already discussed this, but further comment is necessary, if only to reinforce beyond any doubt that overwhelming evidence supports the hypothesis that there exists in the known universe no more utterly degrading, humiliating, and revolting spectacle than the Washington Post‘s Dana Milbank attempting to tell a joke.

Dana Milbank believes he is witty. Dana Milbank believes he is fun. Dana Milbank is a smug halfwit cretin in whom a lack of elementary ethical principle, or indeed simple human feeling, is grotesquely coupled with an appalling absence of anything remotely resembling a critical intelligence. In a just world his scribblings would cause him to be flung headfirst into a sewage pit and savagely pelted with darts, mice, and garbage, or else he would merely be forced to read a choice selection of  his own fucking asshole columns with a sense of motherfucking perspective about what “good writing” actually constitutes.

Oh let’s just get on with it.

Mr. Day explains why Milbank’s wrong on the substance, and you can see also Mr. Greenwald.

But whatever. Milbank’s  headline.

America has a cow over Alan Simpson’s candor on deficits

This is a clever play on words, in the sense that if you think this is a clever play on words you very likely enjoy a nice drink of bleach every so often. See, Alan Simpson recently decided to tell anyone scheduled to receive Social Security benefits that they were a disgusting freeloader using very witty language. Here is what he said:

And yes, I’ve made some plenty smart cracks about people on Social Security who milk it to the last degree. You know ‘em too. It’s the same with any system in America. We’ve reached a point now where it’s like a milk cow with 310 million tits! Call when you get honest work!

He was, for the record, writing in a direct response to a specific person. So when he says, “call when you get honest work,” he is being a dick on purpose, to be a dick. Let’s remember that!

Dana Milbank, see, won’t remember that. He will remember that somebody said “tit,” and his inner Beavis will contend with his inner Butthead, and he will have produced a column. This is the first sentence of his column, and my reply to it.

There was a time, not too long ago, when a politician could talk about tits in public.

Fuck you.

Moving on:

Simpson reprised the line two weeks ago, updating it only for the population count. In an e-mail to the head of a Social Security advocacy group, he said that, in America, “We’ve reached a point now where it’s like a milk cow with 310 million tits!” This time, it was an udder debacle.

Oh die. Die die die.

As for why the line is obnoxious, it was a public official sneering at a citizen who gave him guff by disagreeing with him. Milbank explicitly says Simpson should not have apologized. Dick.

And he thinks “udder debacle” is forgivable.