As a sea of filth slowly gives Florida a reacharound, a river of stupid threatens the Heartland. Glenn Beck University is open!

School may be out for the summer, but for Glenn Beck class is just starting.

This July, while others are relaxing poolside, head back to the classroom – from the comfort of your own home. That may sound like an oxymoron but Glenn’s new academic program is only available online.

Never mind the oxy; the moron part here would be “Glenn Beck’s academic program.” All this makes me inexpressibly weary, so, please, Will Bunch, explain this, kindly?

In addition to the myriad other reasons, one thing that guarantees that Beck U. won’t be showing up in the U.S. News and World Report survey anytime soon is that 33 percent of the faculty is a fraud. That would be the Christian-oriented pseudohistorian and Texas schoolbook perverter David Barton, whose sins against knowledge have been chronicled here in the past. Students at Beck U. can also learn economics from a Beck pal, David Buckner, with a mediocre pedigree (he has been an adjunct associate professor not of economics but of  psychology and education at Columbia) and also from an actual professor who somehow sneaked in there, LSU’s James Stoner.

And davenoon, formerly “d”?

Beck’s “expert” in the field of history happens to be David Barton, a conveyor belt for millennialist pseudohistory whose lack of relevant academic credentials made him a perfect fit for one of the teams selected by the Texas Board of Education to revise the state’s social studies curriculum. (His contributions to the process were, it seems, scrupulously dishonest.) Barton’s necrophilia for George Washington, James Madison and the rest of the founders is legendary; if you have an annoying Facebook friend who’s constantly posting Jeebusly-themed quotations from early American statesmen, the quotation more likely than not derives from Barton’s work. More likely than not the quotations are also unsourced fabrications, but that’s never really bothered Barton, whose attitude seems to be that God wouldn’t have inspired someone to invent them if they didn’t somehow capture the essence of what the founders actually believed.

And so in this new American Century, our sole remaining growth industries are idiot faux-patriotic pseudo-brainy hucksterism, Earth-destructive lobbying, and internet ripoff artistry. Whee. (Waves sparkler despondently, mixes Lady Liberty one last Manhattan before the fireworks end.)