"Fetch me another chance!"

I don’t know who’s the bigger Victim of Wishful Thinking — Rudy Giuliani or Politico’s Maggie Haberman, whose latest puff piece on Giuliani just needs a few more martial adjectives to qualify as Republican fanfic:

He was on political life support after his disastrous 2008 presidential run, but Rudy Giuliani has positioned himself in a critical year as a potent Republican fundraiser and the party’s star surrogate for hammering the White House on terror.

But after $56 million spent on a 2008 “Florida strategy” that garnered just one Republican delegate nationwide, the mayor may be in search of one more revival: A fourth act.

Even with the memory of 9/11 fading – and with the dings he took from now-Vice President Joe Biden in the 2008 race about “a noun, a verb and 9/11” – Giuliani is still regarded as the best Republican spokesman on the national security issue. And the party’s governor-dominated roster of likely 2012 candidate lacks anyone with his anti-terror bona fides, an issue increasingly seen as a sore point for the White House.

“He owns the national security franchise,” said GOP strategist Scott Reed, adding that the issue is indeed emerging as an “Achilles heel” for Democrats and the White House and it’s one that the former mayor is still called on to press.

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As if!

The universe of people who believe Giuliani is the second coming of Anti-Terror Jesus has shrunk so much that why, yes, you could fit them in a bathtub and finally drown the notion that Giuliani is the last best “expert” on terrorism. Seriously, do Republicans really need to be reminded that the GOP’s last best hope for national security set up his Office of Emergency Management . . . in World Trade Center 7? Yes, that was a real stroke of genius. Nobody else ever would have thought to house the OEM in the one building complex that had already been hit by terrorists once before. That’s experty, for sure.

Seriously, outside the gated community of closeted totalitarians whose unmitigated fear of brown people drives them into a state of perpetual xenophobic hysteria, most people see Giuliani for what he really is — Jimmy Breslin’s “little man in search of a balcony,” a vulgar, power-hungry opportunist to whom 9/11 happened, and who had the foresight to bankroll the tragedy into his own ATM.  Whiling away your days fantasizing about whether “America’s Mayor” can summon up the energy or the funds for another political run — in any capacity — is, while very entertaining for the reality-based, an exercise in self-flagellation. Please, Republicans, you want to pin some of your hopes on Giuliani? Be my guest. Who couldn’t use a chuckle in these dark times?

And then there’s this other little issue than will hang around Giuliani’s neck for the rest of his days:

Former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik arrived at the federal prison in Cumberland, Maryland, Monday to begin a 48-month prison sentence, prison authorities said.

No matter how far Giuliani tries to distance himself from the radioactive former police chief, he will always bask in Bernie’s glow. AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!