Gastric bypass surgery failure and potential 2012 Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee forced himself back into the public consciousness this week, as rational people everywhere facepalmed in exasperation:

Mike Huckabee . . . says the effort to allow gays and lesbians to marry is comparable to legalizing incest, polygamy and drug use.

Huckabee also told college journalists last week that gay couples should not be permitted to adopt. “Children are not puppies,” he said.

Um, puppies, Huck? You really sure you want to go there?

Huckabee told the interviewer that not every group’s interests deserve to be accommodated, if their lifestyle is outside of what he called “the ideal.”

“That would be like saying, well there’s there are a lot of people who like to use drugs so let’s go ahead and accommodate those who want to use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, should we accommodate them?”

There you have it. According to the self-anointed paragon of family values, gay couples who want nothing more than the same rights granted to their heterosexual compatriots are no better than drug addicts, Austria’s own Grampa Daddy, Josef Fritzl, and Warren Jeffs, husband-in-residence at Utah State Prison. How very New Testament of him.

So who does pass muster (no, Huck, I didn’t say “pass the custard”) in the good pastor’s estimation? Hey, maybe fellow religious zealot Mel Gibson? Hmmm, maybe not. Or there’s popular ex-Giant and television personality Tiki Barber! Er…okay, how about that wholesome Tennessee family who adopted 7 year-old Artyem Savelyev? No?

Mr. Huckabee and his cohort of hypocrites could take a lesson in tolerance from The Hearty Boys, a happily monogamous, successful . . . and gay, by the way  . . . couple who also happen to have a television show on The Food Network.  Below is their open letter inviting the Scion of Sanctimony to their home to see just how fucking wrong he is about . . . well, just about everything:

Mr Huckabee,

You may know me from Food Network. My partner, Dan Smith, and I are The Hearty Boys. We’re Chicago caterers, restaurateurs, cookbook authors and most importantly, dads. Dan and I have been in a stable, monogomous [sic], loving, positive, nurturing and healthy realationship for 13 years. We were blessed to adopt our son, Nate, at his birth 4 1/2 years ago.

Sir, your comments likening my parenting my son to adopting a pet are beyond hurtful and dangerous. My love, passion and commitment to Nate is not one iota different than what you have for John Mark, David and Sarah. Our son is loved and cared for just as much. He feels just as loved and cared for. He is a happy, well adjusted little guy whom I fiercely love.

Mr Huckabee, I invite you to spend the evening with us at our home in Chicago next time you come through. You need to understand and see firsthand what a family like ours is like. We are no less a family than yours, and in fact, we are healthier and more stable than most.

Americans are no longer going to sit silent as our families are attacked. And even though I find your comments reprehensible and irresponsible, I will open my home to you and pray that we might help you better understand the damage you could inflict.

Steve McDonagh

While I applaud Messrs. McDonagh and Smith for their valiant attempt to enlighten the perennially ignorant, I suspect Huckabee would rather grant pardons to cop killers than RSVP to a catered dinner party thrown by two gay men. If he accepted, he might find that he’d have to eat his own poisonous words, after all.