Michael Steele's words to live by

Michael Steele's words to live by

Oh, Mister Steele, I know your chairmanship of the RNC is about to meet a brutal end, but on behalf of snarkaholics everywhere, I’m praying that you pull out a miracle win, just so we can be treated to more stories like this one:

In an interview with RNC Chairman Michael Steele taped this week for “Face to Face With Jon Ralston,” Ralston asked Steele if he would be “outraged” if “a Democratic senator had an affair with a staffer, had his parents pay her off, fired both her and her husband who worked for him and then tried to get the husband jobs.” First, Steele claimed he didn’t know who Ralston was talking about. But when Ralston said it was Ensign, Steele said it didn’t have an “opinion” on it because he “wasn’t chairman of the party at the time all that took place”:

STEELE: I don’t know. Who is, who is the individual you’re talking about?

RALSTON: The individual happens to be John Ensign. I was just putting the shoe on the other foot. You haven’t said anything about John Ensign because he’s one of yours. You’re Mr. Double Standard.

STEELE: Really?

RALSTON: You are.

STEELE: Is that how you take that?

RALSTON: I’m asking ya.

STEELE: I wasn’t chairman of the party at the time all that took place so I have no opinion on it.

RALSTON: What are you talking about? It took place last year.

STEELE: I wasn’t chairman of the party.

It’s Steelogic at its finest: (1) deny the existence of the thing. If that doesn’t work, (2) claim that you were dead at the time.

In Steele’s zigzaggy mind, because he wasn’t chairman of the party at the moment that Ensign’s perfidy was committed, he can’t comment on the moral hypocrisy that his party generally wallows in. He sounds almost panicked, as if he doesn’t know that preventing the philandering Republican party members from diddling their aides’ wives isn’t part of his job description. (Afraid to stand up to C Street, Steele? With a spine like that, it’s no wonder you were such a badass on the streets of suburbia. I bet you showed those hopscotch hoodlums who was boss.)

I do recommend that somebody close to Steele buy him a calendar for his birthday, since he seems to have a fair bit of trouble with the concept of a linear timeline. Just a few days ago, singed by the wrath of the Republican party leadership over his promotional tour for his “new” tell-all book, the malapropmeister defended himself thusly:

Appearing today on Laura Ingraham’s radio show, RNC chairman Michael Steele said that he wrote his book Right Now before he became chairman. The problem is, the book itself doesn’t read like it could have possibly been written before January 2009 — it was clearly written in late 2009, either in November or December, and is based entirely on current events up to that point.

Other events that occurred before Steele became RNC chairman: Mark Sanford’s hike along the Appalachian Trail, Joe Wilson’s histrionic outburst during Obama’s Congressional address, and Sarah Palin’s dismissive resignation from the Alaska governorship.

I’m gonna miss you, Steele.