_46939366_poster466afpOl’ Chuck Norris seems to have bitten off a little more than his punchdrunk brain can handle:

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

Okay, Chuck, I’ll bite. Your argument that Mary would have actively sought out an abortion if she had access to federally funded health care is, as those wacky LEET kids say, invalid. Do you really think Mary, who, according to Luke, was completely stoked when the Holy Spirit told her she was going to be the Mother of God,* and who had the emotional and fiscal support of her fiancé, would have been the slightest bit interested in an abortion after hearing that?

More to the point, the if there had been universal health care (and modern science) available 2,000+ years ago, Mary could have had given birth to the child she WANTED in a clean, comfortable hospital bed, instead of on a dirt floor, surrounded by barnyard animals, all the while facing the distinct possibility of not surviving the birth. Under your Teabagger Health Care plan, poor, uninsured, unwed pregnant teens would be relegated to giving birth in unsanitary conditions . . . assuming, of course, that they weren’t forced  to resort to back-alley abortions and death by sepsis. And once all those potential Jesuses enter the real world? Well, that’s not your concern, is it. It’s always been about maintaining the tyranny of the fetus with you guys, never about the child, once it’s born. Too bad babies born to poor, uninsured, unwed mothers don’t come with bootstraps.

Yeah, Chuck, your teabaggers would have been really kind to Mary and her ilk. Jesus would no doubt approve.

*I owe a massive debt of thanks to peterr, who explained the Bible to me in about thirty minutes.

Addendum: I’d go so far to say that Mary would have been a complete failure as a teabagger. She obviously didn’t believe in abstinence, she sang about eating the rich and raising up the poor (and nothing about bootstraps), and she and Joseph shacked up in a freakin’ barn, because socialist hippie that she was, she didn’t bother booking ahead and got closed out of all the Bethlehem inns on Christmas Eve. Hell, even Joseph displayed a fair bit of hippie-esque compassion and got with the program, despite the fact that the kid wasn’t his. Go figure. A liberal-leaning couple choosing to have a child, instead of aborting it. That doesn’t quite fit the teabagger stereotype of liberals, now does it.