Friends, homies, countrymen, the long wait is officially over . . . we think!
After spending months in front of television cameras waving pages of their “health care reform plan” (pages that were, in fact, brochures from local tanning salons and mash notes from appreciative health insurance industry lobbyists), the Republicans have once again allegedly released details of their particular vision of health care, and if reports are to be believed, it is . . . well, it’s pretty much all you’ve come to know and loathe about the Republican Party [Screen grab of original WSJ article here]:
Republicans are preparing to unveil their own health bill in the next few days. Minority Leader John Boehner (R., Ohio) said Monday that the plan wouldn’t seek to prevent health-insurance companies from denying sick people insurance — a key plank of the Democrats’ legislation.
Instead, the bill would allow insurance firms to sell policies across state lines, permit small businesses to pool their risks to bring down costs, change medical-malpractice laws and give state governments more flexibility to pursue rule changes.
It hasn’t been reported how many barrows filled with dead people they’ll actually wheel onto the floor to show the efficacy of the cost savings in their plan, but word has it that John Boehner is very, very cross with Alan Grayson for stealing their thunder.
It also has not yet been confirmed whether the health insurance companies’ CEOs will be on hand to personally cudgel cancer patients to death, but Joe Lieberman has already agreed to come over from the Senate to participate in the “Whack-a-Rape-Victim” fun. No truth . . . yet . . . to the rumor that he’ll bring Meghan McCain as his date.
And in a tangentially related story, former President/motivational speaker/Amway salesman George Bush today announced that Osama bin Laden isn’t quite dead yet. In fact, he’s feeling much better and would like to go for a walk.