Mighty Toughman Chuck Norris…is frightened. WET-THE-PANTS FRIGHTENED!

Halloween just got scarier — much scarier.

EEEK!

Flying deep under Washington’s radar is an upcoming (December) global climate change conference in Copenhagen, the “United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change.”

It all sounds pretty politically benign, doesn’t it? Not according to Christopher Monckton, who was a science policy adviser to Margaret Thatcher. Monckton spoke to the Minnesota Free Market Institute.

Wait…

Not according to Christopher Monckton

Right.

For those unacquainted with Christopher Monckton, gosh oh gosh have you been missing out on one of the world’s Top Crackpots. Lord Monckton, Viscount of Blenchley, is a self-styled Member of the House of Lords, a self-awarded Nobel Prize winner, and a self-described “science” adviser to Margaret Thatcher, which he wasn’t (though why this would even be something to brag about, I cannot fathom. It’s a bit like saying you were the guy who got the Pope cheap nookie off CraigsList; in a sense, impressive, but how exactly is this a resume builder? Anyhow). Monckton isn’t exactly a scientist either (&, as they say, et passim).

But then Chuck Norris has been kicked in the head a lot, so you know? So even if all this crap comes pre-debunked, if you have endured sufficient brain trauma, it’s Alll Goob.

As I myself read through the latest draft of the 181-page treaty, I noticed many lines that could warrant Monckton’s and others’ concerns. Phrases such as “creation of new levels of cooperation,” “a shift in global investment patterns,” “adjust global economic growth patterns,” “integrated system of financial and technology transfer mechanisms,” “new agreed post-2012 institutional arrangement and legal framework,” “new institutional arrangement will provide technical and financial support for developing countries,” “global fund,” etc., are messages that make one wonder how far this political body’s arm would reach into our country and force our hands into others.

And there you go. Who could fail to be alarmed at having an international arm reaching into us and forcing our into others? It sounds insanitary, at minimum. Kinky, too.

Chuck Norris also wants us to know the following:

in just one year, the Obama administration progressively has dismantled our Constitution, buried our economy, forsaken our posterity, dissolved our borders, abandoned our godly heritage, impaled the traditional family and crippled America’s health and future.

All very true. Especially the part about how the Traditional Family has been Impaled. Ouch!

So, in short, if we don’t pretend global climate change won’t kill us, we will all be impaled and fisted.

Which might be OK. Will we get a nice dinner first?