You know, I am beginning to suspect that Jonah Goldberg may just be a disingenuous twit who writes like a douche. No, really.

There is much gnashing of teeth and rending of cloth these days about the death of civility.

Apparently, like Cupid with his arrow or a pixie with fairy dust, some
magical sprite used to enchant America’s political combatants, ensuring
that all public discourse was full of beg-your-pardons and
please-and-thank-yous. But we have offended our little leprechaun. He’s
taken his Lucky Charms and gone home, leaving Americans angry, cranky
and rude.

O, piss purple please. The Lucky Charms are very famously always taken away from the leprechaun in the commercials. Gah! Let it be stated as an Iron Law of the Internets: It takes a special class of shithead incompetent to fuck up a breakfast cereal metaphor.

As to the substance of these paragraphs, well, I never much believed in civility myself, as to its purported value, or even existence. But this is not to say that Goldberg agrees with me; he lacks the acumen to apprehend the subtleties of my argument, the bovine-brained goobery gobshite. What he is instead doing is talking crap.

When was this Golden Age of civility?

Was this glorious era of politeness during George W. Bush’s presidency? Funny, that’s not how I remember it.

Actually, the Reign of Shrub the Lesser was indeed the Golden Age of Civility, insofar as for several years there it was considered Very Rude Indeed to point out that not only was the Emperor nude, but beneath that, he had on not one but two strategically-dildo equipped wetsuits. Yes, beneath his skin. It is only now that I can reveal this Shocking Truth.

Look,the Bushites were and remain crazy liars, and it was never impolite to say so. Even if you said “fuck.” That just made it fun! But here is where it really gets fun:

So maybe the 1990s was the last great outpouring of lovingkindness?
Hmmm, no. At least I don’t think Clarence Thomas would say so. Nor do I
think anyone who watched the Clinton show would claim it was a hallmark
of sober debate on either side. Clinton’s minions attacked victims of
his sexual aggression or revelations about his accomplices in his
adultery as “bimbo eruptions.”

“On either side”! Fucking incredible. But here’s the fun part, such as it is:

But here’s the thing. First, it was ever thus. American democracy has
always been a hurly-burly. More important, a lot of the complaints
about incivility today are really complaints from the people in power
or their supporters in the media, aimed at the folks who won’t shut up
and get with their program.

And there’s something distinctly undemocratic about that.

The civility caterwaulers claim that Obama’s opponents are
trying to “delegitimize” the president, often suggesting that such
efforts are racist. But what some see as delegitimization, others see
as criticism. What strikes me as truly uncivil is the effort to
demonize critics of the president with racial bullying.

Fucking ay. Incivility has always been awesome, and nobody ever has the right to complain about it, except now, because if anyone has a right to complain about “racial bullying” it’s white conservatives, because “some see” things like that, not that “some” or “others” can be named, because otherwise Negro fascist bullyboys will be emboldened, or something, you know how they are, and you know who I mean by they, not that I even said that.

Asshole.

Civility came to mean politeness in the 16th century; before that it
meant being a citizen. It seems to me that authentic civility requires
some incivility.

Then go ram your bullshit back up your ass with a fucking pneumatic douche-cannon, you piglet-fellating fucksinus nad-nobbler.


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