I admit I’m a big ol’ liberal (a bold admission here I admit), or as it is known on FoxNews — a Socialist Marxist Kenyan Born Commie Pinko with a choice seat on grandma’s death panel. Despite this, I’m not against capitalism, it is just, like most people who weren’t already born fabulously wealthy, I’m really bad at it.

I know as a "patriot" I am not supposed to not listen to Michael Moore because he’s fat. However, in modern America that would mean I can’t listen to hardly anyone, including the voices in my own head. So I shall be going to Capitalism: A Love Story where I can find out about lovely things like "Dead Peasant’s Insurance" and other things that make being an American so awesome.

So let’s not change things too much. I’ll just be stressed-out and relatively unsuccessful in America until I have that bypass that will finally bankrupt me — or my estate (in which case, woo hoo, suck on it, capitalism!). Our blessed capitalist system has allowed us to progress to the point where we can finally bomb the Moon — that’ll learn those lunar evildoers USA! USA! USA! — something that has previously only been the stuff of science fiction.

Why change anything now, it’s going so well?

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