Pop the champagne corks! Euna Lee and Laura Ling are safely home from their ordeal in North Korea, ensconced in the warm, loving and protective embrace of their families. Save for FOX News, journalists everywhere are celebrating the reporters’ release and heaping praise on the tag team that won the women’s freedom–Hillary and Bill Clinton.

Well, journalists everywhere. . . except the one wearing expensive silk pajamas, clutching a half-empty bottle of scotch, and storming around in a jealous fury in Maureen Dowd’s apartment. Never one to miss an opportunity to bash Hillary Clinton, MoDo hunkered down in front of her computer last night and let loose her flying monkeys:

Hillary sparked an international spat when she said that, as a mother, she understood that the North Koreans were simply unpopular and unruly children misbehaving to get attention.

Now, less than two weeks later, those bad-seed children had managed to command the full attention of her husband.

Maybe it was some clever North Korean revenge plot, giving the limelight to Daddy to punish Mommy. Just as Hillary muscled her way back into the spotlight, moving past her broken elbow and grabbing the focus from her bevy of peacock envoys, she was blown off the radar screen again by an even more powerful envoy: the one she lives with.

For MoDo, it has and always will come down to a competition between Bill and Hillary, as they jostle and shove each other in some imaginary race for the championship cup. I think we know by now whose team colors Modo favors.

Bill was being hailed as a dazzling statesman who might have changed the stormy weather between the U.S. and North Korea, just as Hillary was beginning an 11-day trip to Africa designed to highlight the subjects she most cares about: do-gooder development and women’s issues.

Very nice – as if women’s issues and "do-gooder" development are trifling matters solved during a Tupperware party. Maureen needs to set up a playdate with Dr. Helen. They can jaw about how much they hate women in general, even though they both pee sitting down (though I cannot — nor do I wish to — verify that).

It also speaks volumes about MoDo’s personal pathology that she can’t actually envision both diplomatic events occurring contemporaneously, and that maybe, just maybe, Bill and Hillary are working in concert, not at odds with each other.

The scotch must have kicked in right about here:

It’s fun to speculate whether Bill and Kim discussed the exchange of insults with Hillary. (North Korea issued a jibe back that Hillary was “a funny lady” and that “sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping.”)

MoDo needs to face up to the fact that she is never going to wear the red bow, and taking out her hate on Hillary because she was charmed by the woman’s husband is just so . . . predictable.

And she should take her friends at the Huffington Post with her:

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