As a good number of you now know, our very own Marcy Wheeler (aka “emptywheel,” “a blogger,” or “guest”) stunned the nation Monday with her graphic (and by “graphic,” I mean “accurate”) description of the act that transfixed the Republican Party for the better part of the Clinton Administration. That would be the blowjob (or “blow job,” if you will).

Marcy’s plain speakin’ ways caused MSNBC’s on-air hosts, Tamron Hall and David Shuster, to gasp audibly and offer a flurry of apologies on Marcy’s behalf (Marcy’s “passionate,” dontchaknow). But it seems that the cat was already out of the bag, or the tweet was already out of the. . . oh, you get the idea. Here’s Washington Post “media critic” Howard Kurtz:

Kurtz Tweetz

Well, we here kind of think that blowjob is a euphemism. . . or if not technically a euphemism, at least a whole lot more familiar and useful word than, say, fellatio, which is the first highfalutin word that comes to mind. But, OK, if blowjob is not to your liking (the term!), what would you suggest, Howie? How should America describe penis-in-mouth acts for the cable news audience?

I have decided to go with “sub-vital irrigation,” but that’s just me. Others have suggested:

Hummer, suck, suck off, knobber, knob polishing, cigar rolling, pole rolling, playing the skin flute, deep throating, ball gargling, pole smoking, lap snacking, painting the tree. . . .

I suppose we should also include some BJ subsets, just in case they, uh, come up:

‘round the world, 69, ice pack, blumpkin. . . .

How about you all—can you help Howie own his own squishy?