Don’t worry — I will take care of these idiots in a manner befitting their arrogance.

I can’t wait.

hahahahaha (gasping for breath) ohmystars

Oh my.

I’m already going to Hell, so I figured, “Why not?”

yanno w/t that sarah the p will be mightily pissed at this mocking

very well done

Wow. If getting primo blog space warrants a smoting of a swell person, can’t wait to see what befits the arrogance of those eejits.

This does present certain professional conflicts of interest for you….

IT’S A DESECRATION!

Didn’t some of us get an email from You when the Palin special-needs baby was born?

watertiger, Bill Cosby’s routine about Noah comes to mind.

Hey, Governor! How long can you tread water?

Hahahahaha . . .

God may not be mocked, but Palin sure as hell can be.

tis a mockery of a desecration

I see sarah wants to take on Barrack in a marathon. Or maybe a game of
H-O-R-S-E.

“I was thiiiiiis close to tripping her when she got the finish line of the Humpy’s Marathon.”

“For I am a wrathful God. And a real jokester, too!”

About that headache — God would have taken over your spot without giving you a headache, because of the importance of the message. My guess is that you were knocked out by a seraphim who had been given the writing assignment but got clumsy doing the takeover, hence your headache.

Sorry, Your Honor, but I’m with David Shuster on this one — please reconsider and tell Mr Plumber, “Oh, like, okay, Joe, run for office please.”

Also.

If you weren’t regrouting the bathroom tile when God spoke to you then what were you doing?

AquaKitty!!
Good one!
FunnyWheelieDiva

Damned seraphim! And nephelim! And Tiny Tim, too!

Hi God and thanks for the heads-up.

Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could you please move up Cheney’s departure date for that special place in hell?

He’s still making everyone here uncomfortable.

And, Your Honor, could we have a little chat about Your advice to that W fellow about Iraq? Shoulda used words of fewer syllables, perhaps?

God, while you’re here, can you arrange for us to have rulers in this world who truly rule for the good of ordinary people? Oh, and as long as you’re up, would you mind sending away the MSM, Fox News and anyone who’s ever been associated with PNAC. And please, God, please take the dick, cheney, directly to the heart of hell.

”All glory to the Hypnotoad!”

god… since you are here, i gotta ask…. is there a mrs (or mr) god in your life?

As Ray Wylie once said, I would be just as happy if dog never speaks direct to me. Might have to check into the home for the mind boggled.

Heh.

“…Prominent Republican idiots…”

I don’t mean to be critical, but isn’t that sort of redundant?

ruh roh, what’ll you be drinking you fine emerson you?

Reply hazy – ask again later!

LOL.

I’ll vouch for the jokester part. The book of Jonah is hilarious — unless, of course, you’re arrogantly running around trying to play God. Then it’s rather less funny.

Then there’s creation. According to the psalmist, God made Leviathan (the great sea creature) just for the fun of it. If you ever watch Animal Planet, you know God’s got a wild sense of humor.

Perhaps JTP will reconsider, after all. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

This revelation is an excellent way to get those feelers out for campaign staff and most important – big donors. Perhaps AT&T will soon schedule a meet-up, if they haven’t already.

It is not unheard of for God to tell you one thing and then later tell you the exact opposite.

Actually I think ol’ Dubya got a little confused about the source of those instructions. When he was told it was his Lord speaking he looked the wrong direction.

That’s off the record. Sorry.

If you know anything about biology, that is blatantly obvious. I just wish she wasn’t such a practical joker.

Deep background, huh?

FWDiva

Anybody seen the Kitty? I heard this loud thunder, the sky cracked open and – then – Kitty was gone…..

“What’s a cubit?”

Apologies all around for getting Joe/Sam’s last name wrong! It’s Mr The Plumber.

Hey GW, great minds drink alike! I got some Tanguerey on the rocks here with just a little twist of lemon. Comin’ your way!

Joe the plumber will soon start calling himself Joseph the Carpenter , cause God told him to !

No, Cheney sometimes answers to “the Lord.”

i’m over here, with an ice pack on my head.

I suspect that was the result of Dick and Karl playing a mean trick on Gullible in Chief with a Mister Microphone.

The Archangels will roll their eyes and call him Leon the Loser behind his back.

How can you tell if Joe the Plumber is at your front door?

When you ask who it is, the person says, “Dominos”…

I was thinking of an even lower authority.

i thought it was the dark lord

That’s what Mrs Dr Peterr (the microbiologist in the family) says.

Dick and Karl doing karaoke? That’s terrifying. Or funny. I’m not exactly sure which…

His penis?

Anybody who believes in intelligent design either knows nothing about biology or has a very low estimation of the designer. Makes Rube Goldberg seem like the model of design efficiency.

many of you don’t know this , but God used to do the morning weather forecast on a local radio station.
Was many years ago during leaner times!

No, I meant another mythical being, Cheney’s godfather, Beelzebub.

“Anybody who believes in intelligent design either knows nothing about biology or has a very low estimation of the designer” . . . Or is just too lazy to give it any thought.

G’nite, all.

(After getting props like this, I need a good night’s rest so that I can work on next Sunday’s sermon tomorrow to live up to it!)

Unfortunately, he was blackballed by the meteorologists’ union for being a smartass.

Oh, I don’t know…they’re not too lazy to listen to flippin’ Ken Ham.

Go with God (the real one).

peace out, peterr!

das vadanya, peterr

Godspeed.

sleep tight !

i’m off to sleep as well. manana.

“I know I may have steered some people wrong now and again.”

Talk about your cosmic understatement. That nasty trick you played on Moses, making him wander through the desert for forty years comes to mind. But then that’s nothing compared to presenting yourself in different aspects to different populations over the globe for millenia, then sitting back and watching the bloodbaths over theological differences between the different religions and sects.

God, being as old as the universe has given you a very sick sense of humor.

God didn’t just forecast the weather he made the weather . If he was happy the sun would shine if he was mad he’d make it rain . And sometimes he’d throw a tornado at the bible belt states , just to fuck with their heads !

I find the Unintelligent Design theory more credible. Something along the line of how the House and Senate craft legislation.

Will Jesus ride a raptor to the Rapture?

Be good.

Except that evolution occasionally comes up with something that works.

nope , He’ll drive a hybrid

aiiight, i’m gonna take my concussion to sleep. and thank the stars that I’m not Mark Sanford!

g’nite watertiger

and doesn’t take nearly as long

nite!

Ah’m lookin’ at the course catalogue for my sons’ college,and they list: “Intro to Atheism 101″!!!
Ah Guess we’re movin’ into the 21st Century at last…

Night, gw.

‘night, WT. Don’t let the Argentinian ants get you.

…not that Ah don’t believe in Water Tiger!

Night.

I think a large part of the cognitive dissonance which makes religion possible is the commonly held belief that God is omniscient. Knowing everything precludes the ability to be surprised, so why the giant Mood Swings? You know everything people will do before it happens, in fact, You apparently knew before You created them.

Of course, take the element of surprise out of existence and You are left with Boredom. After a few eons even Deities would probably go stark raving mad.

g’nite

Or spend an inordinate amount of time fuckin’ with ‘em

I talked to god about Republicans In General, and you know what she said to me?

Ms. God: Um, fahgetabouttem. They ain’t no big thing. About empathy, I have some interest in that…..

“OH! AND P.S……? I DID NOT write the memo re Sarah’s recent announcement of the birthing of a child with physical problems……………..
I really don’t know the woman, but that doesn’t seem to stop her from name dropping. Someone, I won’t mention names but is a friend, has recently written “Palen has disappointed many of those who once had the highest hopes for her.”….
well, I DO believe I should be NO.1 on THAT particular list.
And it’s been actually, a tres’ BITTER disappointment.
Ya give someone looks like that, and open all kinds of doors inviting self improvement and potential, and what does she do? Ho’s it out.
Makes me cry.
Someone please tell HER AND JO THE “never really plumbed anything in his whole long and empty life” that THEY MAKE GOD THE FATHER AND THE BABY JEBUS CRY????? huh?
Thanks.
I gotta run. Still trying to respond in some measure to the total mess of human life and tragedy that YOUR LAST ELECTED PREZ created. It’s NOT like I didn’t have other current crises scheduled for response here and now.
I digresss………………..
Please feed the starving while I juggle this chit from ‘up here’.
Thx, biyeeeeee.
GOD

After a few eons even Deities would probably go stark raving mad.

Next to total randomness, probably the best explanation.

This is in reply to ratfood at 83.

like a missing link?!
FWDiva

They’re missing important genes is probably more likely.

Probably wouldn’t take that long. A Dysfunctional Deity might actually bolster the assertion about humans being made in the same image.

I was just checking out Countdown w/David Shuster online and most of the stories were about Michael Jackson. Evidently, resistance is futile.

There are reasons I do not watch TV very much.

smote watertiger?!?!?! No!!!!!!!!!

Evening pups.

Did you cook that trout?

Shyster Shuster is clearly not trying very hard to hold the fort for Olbermann….

Michael who?

WT, you shoulda changed your login to ‘god’, woulda worked better…

Yeah, like Suzanne would let anyone change their user name for any reason …..

Hi Tex,

Help yourself to a piece of Chocolate Turtle Cake.

Which is pretty much the point; the Deities are dysfunctional because they’re based on humans. I don’t care which Deities you point to.

Isn’t it more fun to just let the Universe be huge and unimaginable and be on the team that’s just trying to figure it out, rather than on the team who dispenses doctrinaire orthodoxies and demands allegiance to them?

Had to be the result management pinheads calling the shots.

“MSNBC is the place for politics–and dead weirdos!”

I did. Baked “in the bag (foil)” with fresh herbs from my back porch, sliced lemon, butter, and a little pinot grigio. Had roasted corn and potatoes to go with. Very tasty indeed.

No wonder KO and Rachel have skipped town!
FWDiva

Well, I prefer science. It might not have all the answers but it least it is based on evidence.

There is an old quote which I think is unattributed (it will be this time anyway). “Religion, a magic device for transforming unanswerable questions into unquestionable answers.”

Yummy nums!

OT: link to my pix and video and commentary from tonight’s Iran solidarity rally in Austin

*ahem*

I’ve never been a fan but I have some sympathy for him. It is a shame their parents were more concerned with their childrens’ development as stars than their development as people.

oh Hi Suzanne! Don’t mind me. Cookie?

this is a little long, but God is a big topic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

nom nom

I really have to ask about Job.
That whole story bothers me, especially the part where his wife and children die, but his new wife and their new children are even better.
Do you ever use focus groups? I would consider it.

It only works if you don’t identify at all with the wife and kids.

Yah, that is the source of one of my favorite Carlin quotes.

Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!
But He LOVES you.

He got a better offer in Argentina…

Is there a doctor in the house?

If you want to understand Job, you need to read Robert Heinlein’s take, Job: A Comedy of Errors.

Hey, BCT. We got at least a ParaDocs, and maybe a triple header.

Jenny said, “Honor your offer, Mark!” Mark replied, “On her or off her? Definitely on her, that’s the best offer I’ve had all day. I’ll be in Buenos Aires for the next ten days or so…”

True…doesn’t work for me.

I went to my Congresscritter’s office today, and left feeling like Mick Jagger. I was told what he’s for, but not where the line is that would make a bad bill.

Really, it’s not his fault…

How was your hike, DrD?

Can somebody please pass the pillar of salt?

I’m out, splendid dreams to all.

OK, I’ll try it, thanks.

i saw your diary about it got front paged at ox bct

Oh. My. goD.

Did she really say that?

*waving g’nite to all the leaving sleepy pups*

As I read further down the thread, I find that these comments appear to be a parody. It scares me how easy it is to believe something like this….

It’s a good book, but you need a certain sense of humor about religion, otherwise you’ll be seriously offended.

Jane asked about putting it up at the Silo, I guess she changed her mind, or maybe I was supposed to write a new post… I dunno.

Night, Suz…

Great, though 9 miles may have been pushing it a bit. Here, here, and here are some views along the way. This is the view ahead.

On that note I think I will head to bed. Take care all.

No! My fault. The commenters corrected me in the first 5 minutes.

Night. See ya in dream land.

let her put it up at silo – stuff gets cross posted all the time – what an honor bct.

g’nite dr dick

what a total basketcase of nonsense…..
why can’t these people grieve in private, as I was taught to do?????
splashing it all out in whatever form for the world to consume does not make anything any better for anyone!
accept, get help!, but accept and don’t blame some nameless demon@!

I am honored. I just wish I’d had success…

G’night, Dr. D.

g’nite pups.

Easy mistake; this was kind of the opposite of the Onion, which during the Bush reign of terror seemed unable to be outrageous enough to keep up with reality. This was outrageous, yet seemed very plausible when put in a right-winger’s mouth.

tis the effort being honored bct (and a well written diary)

And it was amusing, anyway.

pain free sleep wishes tex

I’m going to join the ongoing exodus. Peace out, y’all!

g’nite edp

Egyptian or Babylonian?

‘nite, EDP

lessee here…

cubit … cubit … cubit…

cube … one of the platonic solids nope…

cubs … offspring of ursine species nope…

cubit, Egyptian … Babylonian … Roman …

ah, the hell with it. Make it the length of your arm from elbow to the tip of your middle finger. That’ll be close enough.

I’m tempted to resurrect Tennessee Williams so he can write another brilliant play about these melodramatic, self-destructive clowns.

One of my best friends evah is from Mississippi. He says, “Down here we consider Tennessee Williams more of a reporter.”

Shit, I thought he said “I just smoked Watertiger.”

My bad.

Changes EVERYthing.

You go, WT, you go . . . and you can put that in yer pipe and smoke it, ma’am. *G*

Oh my goodness, is Suzanne looking for a man or just wondering if Mr. God has to answer to a ‘higher power’?

*ducks and runs away* Aiieeeeeee!

Suzanne’s gone, Mark… you’ll have to ask her tomorrow.

Was that when he choked on a pretzel, fell and hit his head & saw stars? He probably didn’t know which way was up…like usual.

setting glare to stun

now i’m gone – g’nite pups

Suzanne is nevah far from the banks of the lake.

g’nite Suzanne.

Yo BargainCountertenor; I’m looking for a good singer to make some music on the intertubes. My questions are:

Are you a good CounterTenor and
Are you a Bargain?

Inquiring pianists/synthesizierists [me] want to know. I can play a little; here’s a sample:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42CTnOBThak

It must make a person lonely to be THE only god. To be The One and always wondering if there will be a The Two some time.

I mean, it’s not like God would take long to traverse the Universe looking for someone.

What was that song about a horse in the desert being glad to be out of the rain. Then there’s also The Old Man and the Sea. Very lonely stories.

What would a mid-life crisis be like for someone who is eternal? And just where would you drive that Ferrari? Go West old man, go west.

I’m really a trombonist, not a singer. I have done a fair amount of serious singing in the past, but it’s been quite a while.

SadButTrue – Holy cow, I missed a comment of YOURS! [We’re blogmates at the unrulymob]

I’m resigning myself to blogsuckitude. I have no eye for detail lately. Sheesh. Sorry SBT.

Cool! Then let’s intertube this piece!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..re=related

Not to take this thread too far afield, but consider that the energy field which we somehow perceive is the source for our minds to create a ‘map’. Our ideas about what ‘evidence’ is has to, or at least should, take into account that the map is not the thing (very Buddhist idea) and the evidence is more like a symbol for something and that to find that Reality is probably impossible.

Therefore, what we think of as ‘evidence’ is our own mental construct and not objective Reality. It’s a lot like the concept of a number where the REAL thing is nowhere in sight.

How different is that from another person having a concept of something they believe is just as real as your evidence? Belief…REAL belief is different than intellectual belief, but not by a large margin.

Is your understanding of East, North, West or South different than that of someone from the past (say 1300)? Has ENWS changed because the understanding is different?

We must realize our own limitations and imperfection.
We must accept people on *their* terms.

Heh. What would be your reaction if you were just walking down the street in a foreign city and suddenly saw your own face on a huge outdoor sign? Would that just blow your mind or would you love it?

Yo, God

while yer here, I got a little proposition for ya

I’m tryin to start this bookie operation in NorCal

nothing major, jes fleacin a few SF and Oakland sports fans

it’s a good living, so long as the raiders and the niners keep losing

an thas where I could use a little help …

please protect al davis and the fools who own the San Francisco fortyniners for the next few years ???

after that, I should be okay

so do we have a deal ???

if the answer is yes, smote watertiger twice

(duckin & runnin)

LOL … Freep !

Ah hear there might be some action with Lions’ fans this year …

Say wha? What’s that? *cupping ear to listen* Holy cow! Gawd just told me he doesn’t want Sarah Palin to run in 2012 and will make sure the Democrats keep winning to save His planet!

Joe – this is God…I was just fuckin with ya! Yes, of COURSE you should run for public office! Shoot for the top – go for the whole schmeer! Prez, of course.

Love, God.

Frank Schaeffer here: Speaking of which God and Company might want to read what the Republicans and the Right have been NOT doing about the rising tide of domestic terror from the Right and the Religious Right, re my latest on Alternet

http://www.alternet.org/story/…..re_murder/