I know, I know.  Carmen was Brazilian.

Unless you’ve spent the last three days in a self-induced coma, you are now too familiar with the Saga of Mark Sanford, the disgraced Republican governor of South Carolina who cheated on his heiress wife — and mother of his four children — with a "dear dear friend" in Argentina. That’s right, folks – another Republican sex scandal, this time with exotic locales!  

Much to the RNC’s great relief, the object of Sanford’s affection is a woman. 

After a painfully awkward, rambling start to his hastily convened press conference (which most likely wouldn’t have happened had Sanford not been busted at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta by the intrepid reporter from The State and/or had that paper not threatened to publish his steamy emails), Sanford confessed to the whole lurid affair, apologizing to his wife and children and the people of South Carolina. The only thing remarkable about Sanford’s public apology was the fact that it actually was an apology, not a shifting of blame to the victim(s), which is the usual modus operandi for Republicans these days after they do something so incredibly self-destructive.

Strangely, the governor only broke down in tears when it came time to apologize to his friend Tom Davis who, we learned, had slept on dinosaur sheets in the Sanfords’ basement for a year. Sanford also gave a lachrymose shout out to his Bible study buddies, otherwise known as "The Family", lacing his oddly cold explanations with his own dog whistles. I mean, shit. How else do you explain all the "God’s Law" references and the "The biggest self of self is indeed self" line?

In fact, it was a full eleven minutes before he actually got around to answering any questions, none of which were "How do YOU define ’stimulus package’, Governor?", "Why is okay to spend tax dollars on flights to Argentina for nookie, but not on building schools for our children?" or "Do you know that adultery is still a crime in South Carolina?"

When asked if he was going to resign, Sanford chose to exit, stage right.  

Oh, fate is so cruel! Sanford was being groomed as a serious candidate for President in 2012. He is a member of the über-Christian D.C. Fellowship ("Jesus plus nothing" is their ideal government), and is a preening "family values man" (it helps if you’re married to Sanctimoney, by the way). Sanford is a vociferous proponent of "opposite marriage."  In fact, while a member of Congress, Sanford voted to impeach Clinton for lying about his marital indiscretions and publicly derided House Speaker-Elect Bob Livingston for his infidelity:

"The bottom line is that he lied under a different oath -the oath to his wife."

I have said time and again that it’s not the sin, it’s the hypocrisy.  People who shout the loudest about family values rarely have any to begin with. If these "family values" politicians didn’t hoist themselves upon pedestals, holding themselves out to be purer than driven snow and above "sin" (a/k/a human behavior, to you and me), then their falls wouldn’t be quite so spectacular.

But don’t listen to me. The view from down here is schadenfreudelicious.

P.S. I wonder what the white separatists in South Carolina think about Sanford’s dalliance with "an Hispanic", by the way…

Related posts:

  1. Late Night: Sanctity of Whose Marriage?
  2. Late Night: South Carolina Issues Ambler Alert
  3. Late Night: Livin’ the Dolce Vita with The Lovernator
  4. Late Night: Rome, S.C. Burns While Nero Diddles
  5. Sanford’s Not Going Gentle into That Good Night