Yesterday, everyone’s favorite Nosferatu impersonator, Rudy Giuliani, appeared on national television . . . well, okay, on "Morning Joe" . . . to weigh in on the the whole waterboarding kerfuffle. The Ghoul was as predictably, dickishly a blowhard as ever:

"One of the great fallacies is that Islamic terrorist are [sic] particularly impressed by the way we conduct our interviews. They couldn’t give a darn. I’ve been investigating them since the late 1960′s, early 1970s. They are single-minded, they have their own objectives in mind. . . . I’ve read thousands and thousands of pages of documents and I’ve never heard an Islamic terrorist say, ‘Hey I became a terrorist because they waterboarded some other terrorist.’"

See, this is why Giuliani should have been elected President — his forty years of experience investiga. . . wait, what?

That’s funny — funny as in "odd", not "haha". According to information publicly available on the interwebs, the Rudester didn’t graduate from law school until 1968. Am I to assume that he spent the early ’60s suffering Cassandra-like visions of future 9/11′s and investigating Islamic terrorists for his senior thesis in college? Or did he ask for all the Islamic terrorism work he could get while clerking for Judge McMahon at the Southern District of New York? Ohhhh, I know. It was when he was appointed chief of the narcotics unit at the U.S. Attorney’s office in 1973. . . where he brought zero cases against Islamofascists.

It wasn’t until he became Mayor of New York City that he discovered how "efficient" torture can be.

I’m shocked. SHOCKED. Once again, Rudy Giuliani’s pants appear to be . . . on fire!

And don’t even get me started on Newt Gingrich.