Auuuggh!

image by watertiger

Newt Gingrich’s ideas are intriguing to the Republican Party, and they would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

Newt Gingrich has joined Eric Cantor’s new effort to remake the GOP for the future, a Cantor spokesperson confirms.

“Speaker Gingrich will be joining the National Council for a New America as one of the members of our national panel of experts,” Cantor spokesperson Joe Pounder tells me, confirming a Chris Cillizza item based on anonymous sources.

“It is generally recognized that Speaker Gingrich is a man who’s putting forth bold ideas in the party,” Pounder continues. “It’s only natural that he would join an organization that seeks to apply conservative principles to everyday challenges. That’s what Speaker Gingrich has been doing for the past couple of years.”

Well, it’s certainly true that Newt Gingrich has been "putting forth bold ideas"; whether these ideas are good or not remains open to debate, in the sense that when you actually look at them, they’re kind of vapid and comical and not very "bold" at all. Indeed, calling them "ideas" seems something along the lines of a courtesy, as they would more aptly be termed "gestures," "spasms," or "farts." It’s really sweet how the people who book and host Sunday Important News Discussion shows are so willing to humor the horrible old dingbat. Endearingly, they won’t embarrass him in public by critically scrutinizing the shit he says, acknowledging that his political career ended in ignominy, or judging his personal life according to the standards that they use for Democrats.

Since it’s spring, though, and I’ve been thinking about baseball, what I first thought of when I read this article (after I stopped laughing) was Suzyn Waldman’s, uh, infamously less than dignified, cringe-inducing reaction a few years ago to the news that Roger Clemens was coming back to the Yankees. Superannuated overrated overpriced overpuffed, lots of baggage: check! That’s our SAVIOR! (For the record, I actually kind of like Waldman as a broadcaster; she can be entertaining, and bleedingheart liberal that I am, I do have to say that the Yankees deserve some kudos for putting a woman in the broadcast booth, though as a born Mets fan it kills me to say so.)

The metaphor sort of falls apart when you consider that Clemens had more good seasons than Gingrich ever did. A better analogy (again, as a born Mets fan) would probably be Dave Fucking Kingman.

But there’s no question that if we have to come up with a baseball analogue for GOP Chairman Michael Steele, it’s Charlie Brown. As the absurdly proud parent of a Little Leaguer, I can’t even bring myself to make fun of the guy anymore; it’s all fantastic stuff, a lot of it just totally golden. But you know, I just can’t. I approve completely of the rule in my 9-Year-Old son’s league that you can’t score more than four runs in an inning, for charitable reasons as well as for needing-to-get-home reasons. A similar rule ought to be held to apply to Steele.

Though, truth be told, ironically, Michael Steele is the one person in the GOP I can think of offhand who I actually sort of like. I thought he handled the ribbing Obama gave him at the Correspondents’ Dinner with good humor. To be sure, he’s daft, but no more daft than anyone else in the GOP, "Man of Idears" Newt Gingrich not excluded. He’s crazy and says crazy things, but at least he’s not an asshole.

He won’t have his job past July.

(THANKS of course to mi amiga siempre aguatigre for the image)

LATE BREAKING: The horrible Gingrician fossil will be on Stewart to-night; play along in comments if you like, so we can ruin it for the West Coasters! HA!)

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