Last week, Jonah Goldberg wrote a column titled, "We Need a Hero" and argued that an appealing, self-loathing Hispanic could lead the GOP out of the wilderness. Now Nicole Wallace, who did such an awesome job getting Sarah Palin prepped for all those interviews, is also in search of a hero:

What we need is a leader who matches the moment and transcends the narrow debates about ideology—not because they’re unimportant, but because they are un-resolvable in a media-refereed vacuum. It’s also worth keeping in mind the words of Bonnie Tyler when we imagine the task at hand for the Republican Party: Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need. I need a hero.

Gag. If wingnuts want dispel the notion that they’re mindless authoritarians with Daddy issues waiting to goosestep behind the Next Great Hero-Leader, they probably should stop writing columns about how ideas don’t matter and they just need to find the Next Great Hero-Leader. (Did they learning nothing from W.?)

Anyway, Nicole — what does this Hero-Leader sound like?

Our next leader must be able to talk about the benefits of capitalism and competition as vehicles for economic opportunity and a better quality of life for all Americans. He or she must restore faith in government without getting stuck in the old debate of small vs. large government, but instead focus on the benefits of a competent, frugal, accountable government that is as mindful in spending taxpayers’ dollars as American families are in spending their own hard-earned income.

Hmmm. Hasn’t someone’s already used that riff?

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Oh, well. Nicole has someone else in mind, anyway.

One Republican I know suggested that actor Gary Sinise might be our savior. 

Brilliant!

Never graduated from college, check. No political experience, check. Loves to play dress-up soldier but never served, check. Knows his way around a hair and makeup trailer, check.

Wait — don’t Republicans have one of those already?