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Why are all you horrid, unfeeling people being so unfair to misunderstood Arlen Specter (D-SELFSERVE)?! Why shouldn’t a man with 29 years in the Senate hold onto his position of power by any means necessary? Why was it good enough for Joe Lieberman, but not for poor Arlen?

Pennsylvania’s senior Good Samaritan found himself in quite a career pickle over the weekend. Just four days after allegedly announcing to President Obama that he would be a "loyal" Democrat (and immediately reneging on that pledge by voting twice with the Republicans), he faced off against David "Crazy Legs" Gregory, who rather impertinently stated:

GREGORY: It was reported this week that when you met with the president, you said, “I will be a loyal democrat. I support your agenda. . . . "

SPECTER: No. And you misquote me, David. I did not say I would be a loyal Democrat. I did not say that.  . . . I did not say I am a loyal Democrat

So screw the eyewitnesses who distinctly heard Arlen utter those now-famous six words. Who are you going to believe — two scumbaggish, amoral, ankle-biting reporters or an honest, fair-dealing Senator who has never compromised his principles in his whole life?

Senator Specter, who also never EVER served as a rubber stamp for the Republican Party, was saddened and mystified when, after he broke up with his former party, it didn’t cling to his pants leg, begging him to return, but instead immediately started seeing someone else:

Well, I was sorry to disappoint many people. Frankly, I was disappointed that the Republican Party didn’t want me as their candidate.

It’s . . . so sad. . . . *sob*

How dare any of you allege that Arlen Specter’s indignation is disingenous! Why, only a truly righteous man would  exploit cite his friend’s death to justify explain his own political existence a mere day after that man died.

If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine.

Now, . . . when you talk about life and death and medical research, that’s a much more major consideration on what I can do, continuing in the Senate, contrasted with which party I belong to. 

Now for those of you with long memories, Specter only said that thing last week about switching parties to keep his seat because he didn’t want to stress out Kemp’s family, you see.  That’s just how thoughtful and caring he is. 

Oh, one more thing: if you could see it in your hearts about maybe sending some campaign cash his way, he’d be eternally grateful.

Related posts:

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  2. Late Night: Ross Douthat and Dana Milbank Star in “The Mewling Game”
  3. 63% of Pennsylvanians Want Specter to Face Democratic Primary Challenger
  4. Late Night: Welcome to the Age of Ignoramus.
  5. Late Night: The Teabag Party Makes it Official, But Still Needs a Mascot