From beauty pageants on the Death Star, to imaginary encounters in bookstores, to sober contemplation of the gravitas of Sarah Palin, Philosopher-Queen of the Arctic, our conservative friends have been full of piss and vinegar this past week, most of which they ingested nasally.

ONE. The Gay Patriot West believes that the Left has been very, very mean to Carrie Prejean, winner of the Miss Wingnut USA Pageant and champion of Opposite Marriage, who has done more to make mainstream bigotry look winsomely brainless than even Ramesh Ponnuru. But did you know Miss California is also a gristly Jedi Knight? TRUE FACT!

Instead of mocking Miss Prejean, the [Left?] would do well to consider the wisdom of a titan of another sort: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." The more they attempt to strike her down, the stronger she becomes. And the more popular she becomes among her suporters and Americans increasingly irritated by the crowd continually eager to find someone to belittle and to blame.

Well, sure. Until she gets caught fucking a Wookie.

TWO. A Red State monkey informs us that Sarah Palin is too politically viable for 2012, stampy feet temper tantrum, because, uh, she’s the alltime champeen winner of the Miss Wingnut USA Pageant.

There are those who wish to bury Sarah Palin, not praise her. Leftist Democrats, their drive-by media assassins and Republican backers of some of her potential opponents for leadership in the Republican Party have been pushing the meme that the former vice presidential candidate no longer has a future in national politics. They want to convince others that the governor’s political career has been ruined by the recent tug of war she has been engaged in with the Alaska legislature and the noisemaker tabloid media’s exploitation of some problems in her family and would-be in-laws.

The notion that the Left is trying to "bury" Sarah Palin is hilarious; please please more Sarah Palin, front and center, wingnuts! Heh, Sarah Palin. If she got caught fucking a Wookie it would frankly only burnish her policy credentials. The Wookie’s political career, of course, would be blown up like Alderaan.

THREE. Red State’s resident sexually obsessed primate Warner Todd Huston, whom no self-respecting Wookie would ever admit to wanting to fuck (too hairy and inarticulate), presents us with a hallucination he apparently experienced in a bookstore because he can’t handle the decaf latte. We are supposed to believe that WTF, oops WTH, believes he overheard two Stereotypical Liberals conversing, and from this he is right to draw some Profound Conclusions about The Left, none of which need detain us, except for this bit about how The Left does not Love America Properly:

On reflection, I found ponytail to be perfectly emblematic of an American liberal. Not just with his relationship with his wife, but with his relationship to his country. Ponytail couldn’t stand that whole “America thing” that his wife seemed to love. Ponytail wanted it to go away to be replaced by his vague idea of what he thought is the proper America. It was obviously one that didn’t include the flag, patriotism, or Fox News. It didn’t include any thoughts about American tradition, history or a respect for our troops. That all seemed gauche to ponytail.

"The flag, patriotism, or Fox News." Brilliant. No wonder Chewbacca won’t fuck him.