The leading contenders for the 2012 Republican Nomination are…

Newt Gingrich: Thrice married, nouveau Catholic, terror fetishist and teabaggin’ enthusiast.

Mike Huckabee: Bill Clinton with neither the Bill nor the Clinton.

Rick Perry: Secession Enthusiast — timely brought up on the anniversary of Lincoln’s death.

Sarah Palin: Secession and spousal rape Apologist– Ideal parental role-model.

Mark Sanford: Governor of the Home of Secession.

You know what’s as popular in Iowa and New Hampshire as cannibalism and herpes? Secession. 2012 looks like a good year to be Mitt Romney, and a better one to be Barack Obama.