Big Bank Nightmares

The CEOs and others at major financial institutions who aren’t completely clueless are having trouble sleeping at night. They keep having a recurring nightmare, in which a certain advertisement keeps playing . . .

Hi, I’m James Robert Banker, president of Local Bank Incorporated. Here at Local Bank, we’ve been serving the needs of regular folks in our little burg for quite a while. We don’t play in the subprime mortgage markets, and we don’t pay outrageous bonuses. We leave that to the big boys — BofA, Citibank, their friends at AIG and Goldman Sachs, and all the others like them. They may be too attached to their bonuses to see what goes on in the lives of regular people, but that’s not how we do business.

One big problem right now, here in our town and across our nation, is that credit has become too tight. To fight this, the government has made money available to banks to increase the amount of lending we do. Sadly, too many of the big banks either have too much devotion to their bonuses and refuse to take the money, or else they have so much bad debt on their books that they have to keep the money to stay solvent and can’t lend it out.

We don’t have either of those problems. In fact, we’re happy to take this money, so that we can lend it out to revitalize our community and continue to build our reputation as a partner with individuals and small businesses.

Let the big banks squabble over their bonuses and scramble to hide their bad debts. Meanwhile, here at Local Bank Inc., we’re ready and willing to work for and with our customers to rebuild our community’s economic base, one good loan at a time. Drop in and see what we can do for you.

To the Big Banks who built The Magnificent House of Cards, an ad by Jim Bob Banker is scarier than a subpoena to testify before Congress.

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