Letters

Photo by carf

Tonight’s theme: Presidential correspondence!

First up, we have children’s letters to our shiny new new president (Yay!).  A couple of my favorites:

Dear Sir Obama,

These are the first 10 things you should do as president:

1. Make everyone read books.
2. Don’t let teachers give kids hard homework.
3. Make a law where kids only get one page of homework per week.
4. Kids can go visit you whenever they want.
5. Make volunteer tutors get paid.
6. Let the tutors do all the thinking.
7. Make universities free.
8. Make students get extra credit for everything.
9. Give teachers raises.
10. If No. 4 is approved, let kids visit the Oval Office, but don’t make it boring.

— Mireya Perez, age 8, San Francisco

Dear Pres. Obama,

Good job on winning. I heard about Area 51. I wanted to ask you if there are any U.F.O.’s there. I think that you should tell people in public the truth about Area 51. You would just maybe say, “That we will take care of it.” And do it.

— Edwin Jara, age 9, New York

What Edwin said.  Another young correspondent told Obama "you look too skinny," and provided a list of foods he should eat, like pizza, ice cream, cupcakes, burgers, and french fries.

Next up, an old friend organizes a letter-writing campaign for our filth-encrusted old president (Booo!):

In his latest tweets, Rove revealed that he’s putting together a letter-writing campaign to thank President Bush for his tenure. Yesterday he wrote:

Send a farewell letter to President Bush—Email gwbfarewell@gmail.com [no attachments] and I’ll give him your note

He later followed up and said that all messages are due by 6:00 p.m. ET on Jan. 19, and he will deliver them to Bush on Jan. 20.

Now’s your chance to tell Dubya just how much you’ll miss him, and what his tenure as president has meant to you!

And finally, the sadly-now web-only Weekly World News scoops the world with an exclusive preview of those missing White House e-mails that the Bushies are working oh-so-diligently to retrieve.  A taste:

Apr 16, 2003

From: George W [executivecowboy@yahoo.com]

To:   Mike The Spy [mhagler@cia.gov]

Subj: Presidential Security

As Director of the CIA, are you the guy I’d talk to about learning how to use throwing stars?

I heart the Weekly World News.