Recently, outgoing First Lady (and I mean that in the ‘she’s leaving’ sense, not in the ‘she’s friendly’ sense) Laura Bush unveiled two new sets of presidential china.
One is basically a recreation of dishes from the James and Dolly Madison period (Oh, Hello…Dolly! Sorry), with gold eagles in the center, surrounded by a green basket weave border and more gold trim on the rim. The other set, for the new First Family’s use, has large magnolia blossoms in the center of the dinner plates; the other dishes in the set feature….bugs. Creepy crawlies that can be found in the gardens at the White House. How charming. The total cost for this porcelain adventure (footed by a not-for-profit foundation) came to over $500,000.
Now, as a good American Housewife (and proud of it, thank you very much), AND a resident of Upstate New York AND as a stockholder of the company, I would like to make an offer to Mrs. Obama – nice new Corelleware (you know, the stuff from Corning?). Laura Bush’s new china, especially the ‘magnolia-tard and entomological selections’ is actually pretty hideous stuff(hey, did they approach the Smithsonian for specimens to use as examples for the artists? The Smithsonian has zillions of bugs, in little drawers and cases – I had a friend from college who worked there and showed some to me, years ago). And we won’t get into the whole “What was she thinking???” aspects of it.
But, Michelle and the girls are going to have to look at those bugs and those overblown blossoms underneath their pizza and macaroni and cheese for the next eight years. There is going to be a whole lot of gagging noises taking place around the White House breakfast table, I can assure you.
So, Michelle, here’s the deal: I’ll just run over to Corning – and pick you guys up a nice new set of Corelleware in French White. It’s lovely, simple, goes with everything and there are no nasty drawings underneath the food. It’s made in Upstate New York. The former president of the company is Jamie Houghton – who was a Congressman for many years (and a good one, too). The dishes don’t break – you can even throw them at political opponents – even someone as hard-headed as Mitch McConnell can’t bust a Corelleware dish. As an added attraction, I’ll get you a set of Corningware baking dishes in white also – you’ll have the complete set and when you leave, you won’t be offending the next occupants. The best part is the price – sincerely – a 16 piece set of dishes is $75.99 (and that’s retail; I can just nip over to the outlet and get them for less) and the baking dishes are $59.99. Even buying multiple sets, I’m sure we can get a discount and won’t cost the earth.
This really is a good deal – not that the good folks in North Carolina can’t use the work – but it would also be a really nice gesture to supporting the economy that Hillary Clinton has been representing! Now that’s a real ‘reach out’ gesture for Barak Obama’s former opponent – Hillary let’s you win; you give her SOS and I throw in a set of dishes!! The union workers at the dishplant in Corning, New York will definitely appreciate it. Think of the publicity! Think of the sales of Corelleware! (wait a minute – Corelleware is pretty popular already..it’s the ‘non break’ thing)
And here’s the best part – just have the guys pull those boxes out to the loading dock – I’ll come down and exchange those for the new Corelleware – no one will know the difference – really. And I’ll just take those nasty bug-ridden babies over to that warehouse..you know, the one from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”? Once they get into that place, no one will be able to find them ever again.