41678727_67472768ae_m.jpgWarning! Reading excerpts of Bill Bennett’s "interview" with Dick Cheney might induce vomiting.

For those with delicate constitutions, here’s the short version: (h/t Christy)

Q Thank you so much.

Says it all.

But for those interested in the single biggest stroke-job ever administered by a member of the media to a sitting vice president…

Q Well, you do have old friends here, believe me. Two things I want to thank you for, lest I forget, in this interview — one, I want to thank you for your kindness and courtesy to me and Mrs. Bennett, Elayne Bennett, inviting us to your house on several occasions. It’s been wonderful occasions to see you and Lynne.

Q And I enjoyed seeing the fly room upstairs, where you tie flies.

Q I want to get into that in a second. But again, before I lose the opportunity, in front of 3.5 million people, I want to say — I want to thank you for making tough decisions, taking a lot of heat for keeping us safe. We have been safe. And I know — I have some sense, I don’t know — what that took. I just want to thank you.

Q I remember when I was drug czar, we had this debate about releasing people, and I’d say well, in frustration — have you ever been frustrated with the Congress, Mr. Cheney?

Q I don’t want to get into the sensationalistic part of it, but the serious part of it — what is it that, whether we’re talking about senators or congressmen who criticized you, fundamentally disagreed with you, what is the disagreement about? Do you say, if you knew what I knew, you would hold my view? Do they look at the same facts as you, and just come out differently? Do they not — I’m going to throw out several options — do they not understand the nature of evil or the nature of the threat? Is it Pollyanna attitude?

Q I guess it’s not a failure of judgment or intelligence, but there’s a kind of — I won’t put words in your mouth, these are my words — but a kind of political cowardice…

Q Well, you’ve served your country, sir, and we thank you for your service. And if you’ll hike with me in the Wind Rivers, I’ll fish with you anywhere you want.

Q Thank you.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Okay, Bill. Thanks.

[Bennett lights cigarette.]

Where’s Nooners when you need her?