Kathryn Jean Lopez wants us to know that George W. Bush is a brave man, so brave that he has consistently taken the controversial position of talking about how much he likes the troops. (He likes them loads!) In this, Lopez informs us, he is the very image of St. Joseph, Jesus’ stepdad. If you think Lopez has perhaps been mainlining egg-nog, you may have a point.

I received a great gift from the president this year — more proof of his moral leadership. He’s had his flaws, of course, but he’s always led with an ear to his conscience and his heart, consumed with the burden of not only protecting and defending but also loving the people who are so integral to what America is, has been and will be — and whose lives are directly and dramatically changed by decisions he makes.

It goes on like this; Lopez has been writing the same crap for years, claiming that Bush’s bright, shiny Inner Goodness, which pretty much nobody else in the world besides "conservative" dead-enders has ever been able to detect, magically trumps the fact that he’s a spectacularly incompetent, dishonest, incurious jerk whose uncomprehending hubris has left hundreds of thousands dead, far more maimed and displaced, and the global economy deep in the shitter. That’s why everyone hates him! That and his stupid smirk and his stupid ass-face.

Lopez of course invokes The Troops, and their Moms, to suggest otherwise. But we’ve heard this song before, and Lopez wants something extra valedictory and preferably Christmasy, so, what the hell, Bush is, uh, a lot like St. Joseph! Whee!

For all the "Bush lied, people died," hysteria, there is something of St. Joseph in George W. Bush.

St. Joseph plays a key part in the Christmas story. If you’re a believer, you know — you have faith — that he wasn’t Jesus Christ’s biological father. But he was a loving, hard-working man, who out of all men the Creator trusted with his Son. St. Joseph had a faith that allowed him to follow divine requests that couldn’t have made a whole lot of sense.

Well, to be fair, I’ve long been convinced myself that Bush hears voices in his head talking shit that makes no sense, so to that extent, sure. Fair enough. Apart from that, well, I don’t much see it, and this doesn’t particularly help: "He was a model of masculine faith." Where in the New Testament does St. Joseph stuff the crotch of his flightsuit, pray? Lopez then goes on to say that St. Joseph is also a lot like William F. Buckley, Rush Limbaugh, and Barack Obama. I’d hasten to add that she’s left out Carrot Top, Twinkie the Kid, Soupy Sales, Trent Lott, and Flava-Flav, who could be quite as plausibly cited.

Anyway, it is kind of fun to look at this hideously sycophantic, sexually repulsive class of stuff and then to watch all the other NRO monkeys chittering about how Obama’s supporters are irrational star-fuckers. It’s less fun to note that there are still morons like K-Lo denying that Bush, in fact, lied, and that people, in fact, died — lots of them. That’s history, not hysteria.

As my own holiday gift to you, my FDL friends, on this last post of mine before the 25th, allow me to point out that as loony as K-Lo’s crap may be, it’s not the most wonderful thing written on NRO this week. That would actually be this bit from Mona Charen’s Merry Christmas Porn Special:

Hugh Hefner, the godfather of mainstream porn, apparently does not have normal sex with his many girlfriends. Despite the presence of up to seven comely young women in his bed at a time, he uses porn for sexual satisfaction. Think about that.

EXACTLY. The clear implication here is that whenever Mona Charen finds herself in bed with seven comely young people, she fucks ‘em, just like Jesus taught us.

And may that image burn bright as the Christmas Star in your mind’s eye all thro’ this sacred Holiday Season. Ho ho ho!