Rich Lowry’s Wet Dream

Oh, if only CPAC were having its convention on a cruise ship to Alaska. . . . Think Progress reports:

In an apparent attempt to maintain her national profile following her defeat on November 4, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) scheduled a marathon of high-profile interviews with local and national media. Her media blitz concluded with an awkward press conference and a speech to the the Republican Governors Association last week.

Now, it appears that Palin’s post-election comeback tour will extend into next year. ThinkProgress spoke with Joseph Logue of the American Conservative Union who said that Palin is the first confirmed speaker for the 2009 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). 

All I can say is:  SWEEEEET! Conservatives: do you seriously think Sarah Palin can be your ship of state’s cruise director? Pay no attention to those polls and reports indicating that Palin, while popular with dead-ender Republicans, alienated the rest of the country and the world with her zestful ignorance and made a mockery of the political process. Disregard the fact that her command of English syntax is only surpassed by her grasp of geopolitics . . . which is to say, on par with her seven year-old daughter. So long as she continues to lead those xenophobic, hatemongering cheers with that perky, dimpled smile and keeps on sporting those form-fitting skirts, then Bill Kristol and Rich Lowry and Jonah Goldberg will show up for shuffleboard on the poop deck.  You are so very, very gullible.

If Sarah Palin is to be your party’s figurehead, then they deserve your forty years in the wilderness (or out at sea, if we’re going for metaphoric consistency). Be sure to have backup portable generators handy.  Your new idol loves the spotlight. 

And don’t forget the Louis Vuitton luggage.