obama.thumbnail.jpgNaturally there has been a great deal of speculation about whom President-Elect Obama will be appointing to his Cabinet and other high-level positions. Much is riding on these choices. For the sake of The Nation however I fervently pray that the new president keeps in mind the Sage Counsel of Ron Brownstein of the National Journal, who convincingly argues that Obama needs to carefully balance several key imperatives: competence; effectiveness; loyalty; and, most crucially, Fucking Over the Hippies.

Obama would need to overcome the objections of liberal Internet activists who are condemning as capitulation any effort to find accommodation with Republicans or the interests they represent…. Systematically reaching out beyond his core supporters is Obama’s best hope of advancing his policy agenda and of delivering on his overarching promise to bridge America’s partisan and ideological divides.

Absolutely correct. There is no room for partisanship in politics. Still less is there room for "activism," particularly of the "online" variety. After all, what exactly does Obama owe to his "core supporters" anyhow, and why do they insist upon hanging around, spilling patchouli oil and bongwater on the White House drapes?

We therefore present the Official FDL Obama Cabinet Endorsements. We are but humble Liberal Internet Activists but we most sincerely hope that in making these particular selections we will rise to the level of High Seriousness demanded of us by the prestigious National Journal. Because that, we most sincerely aver, is Really Fucking Important to Us.

First, the lower level slots. With a nod to the importance of bipartisanship, and diversity, FDL endorses Ann Veneman as Secretary of Agriculture. She is the current head of UNICEF and has a long history of distinguished public service. Current Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, while a Republican, has the sort of record that would be perfect for Director of the Office of Management and Budget. On the same note, we cannot imagine a more fitting or qualified candidate for Veterans Affairs than old military hand Anthony Principi. The choice of each of these distinguished public servants would clearly signal the start of a New Dawn of Nonpartisanship.

owellFor the higher profile positions, President-Elect Obama must be equally bold. Thus, for this reason we must regretfully chide the incoming administration for succumbing to the allure of the Politics of the Past in offering the job of Secretary of State to Hillary Rodham Clinton. While there is no doubt that she is a dedicated public servant who ran a gallant primary campaign, do we really wish to awaken the demons of the 1990s with her appointment? Ms. Clinton is indelibly associated in the public mind with the decade of the 1990s, a time when America’s image in the world was at a low ebb due to disastrous foreign entanglements, such as, most notably, that thing, you know, that thing that one time? Bosnia? Anyhow, few would now dispute that at this dangerous moment we need to strike a bold new direction in our foreign policy. In this light, who would be a more perfect candidate to seize the reins at Foggy Bottom than retired general Colin Powell? After all, Powell has a very nearly unblemished reputation for honesty and sagacity in making the case for the exercise of military force abroad. And in even crassly political terms, nobody would seriously dispute that Powell’s endorsement of Obama provided the crucial "push" that put Obama just barely "over the top" in the recent election. Obama owes him far more than he does any vulgar "iberal Internet activists." So much is indisputable.

rummyLikewise, if there is one thing the American People do not wish to see the new Commander-in-Chief do, it is to engage in endless, pointless recriminations as to "who did what," or "who lied about what," or "who botched what war"? Who even cares about Iraq anymore? That is yesterdays news; even the Iranians — oh, excuse me, I meant the Iraqis — find this a borrrring subject nowadays. Could Obama make a ore profound gesture of National Reconciliation and Healing than by offering the post of Secretary of Defense to Donald Rumsfeld?

RiceSimilarly, could there be a more logical pick for National Security Advisor than Condoleeza Rice? How likely is it that she would ever forget now, after all that has happened, that "Osama Bin Laden is determined to attack within the United States"? Some "oopsies" are not easily repeated. The logic here, you must concede, is difficult to refute.

ashcroftAttorney General? Simple. John Ashcroft. Sneer if you must, but can anyone say beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no necessary connection whatsoever between the Sub-Prime Mortgage Crisis and the fact that nowadays you can see the tits on the statuary in the Capitol Building? Marble mammaries = money meltdown. Also, the man had a beautiful singing voice.

You see, all of these selections were, at a certain historical moment, one we online Liberal activists recall all too well, hailed as Serious and Mature choices by the Guardians of Elite Political Discourse. Hence we offer our endorsements with all the seriousness and respect we have over the course of the past eight years developed for the incisiveness and brilliance of the Insider Washington Press. Sincerely. Fuck, most sincerely.

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